Random writings about randomness
A. 0-3 (Seek counciling. Strongly consider suicide)
B. 3-6 (Develop some alcohol tolerance, Nancy…or Caitlyn)
C. 6-10 (Nope, you’re still not getting a pass)
D. 10+ (OK, maybe just some light ‘petting’? Maybe)
E. No amount would do the trick (Liar. We all have a #)
@LowellSun
Lowell Sun News – Billerica police say a 54-year-old Billerica woman racked up back-to-back drunken-driving arrests over two days, less than 24 hours apart, driving along the same area of Boston Road in the same car this weekend.
In Lowell District Court on Tuesday, Valerie Feuerstein, of 16 Meadowbank Road, had bail set at $5,000 cash after pleading in two cases to: operating under the influence of alcohol (two counts), marked lanes violation, and operating a motor vehicle with a license suspended for drunken driving.
Billerica police note that Feuerstein has a history of driving violations, mostly for speeding, that date back to 1982.
In court, prosecutor Christopher Minue said that on Saturday Billerica police responded to Boston Road for a report of a suspected drunken driver in a black Chevy Camaro. Policearrested Feuerstein, who refused a Breathalyzer test, and charged her with drunken driving.
She was released from the police station.
At around that at around 8 p.m. on Sunday, a Billerica police officer was driving along Concord Road when he spotted the same black Chevy Camaro being driven erratically. After turning around to stop the Camaro, the officer found the car parked in front of Georgio’s Liquors at 446 Boston Road, according to court documents.
The officer waited for Feuerstein, the driver, to exit the liquor store and get behind the wheel of the Camaro, police say.
The officer followed the Camaro as it turned onto Boston Road watching as half the vehicle was driving in the breakdown lane, police allege. The car was pulled over.
Police noted that Feuerstein, who smelled of alcohol, appeared confused and was unsteady on her feet. She allegedly failed the field sobriety tests. Handcuffed and sitting in the back of the cruiser, Feuerstein continued to try to recite the alphabet, one of the field sobriety tests, police allege.
In court, Feuerstein’s attorney told Judge Thomas Brennan that his client has had a series of issues in her life, including a recent divorce, a broken arm, seizures, and depression because her son went away for the weekend. Feuerstein was sleep-deprived and confused at the time of her arrests, the attorney said.
Minue argued that Feuerstein poses a danger with back-to-back drunken-driving arrests less than 24 hours apart.
In addition to the cash bail, Brennan told Feuerstein that if she posts bail she is prohibited from drinking and cannot drive. She must also submit to random alcohol screens. A pretrial conference is scheduled for July 8.
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Meet 54 year old Valerie Feuerstein. Well Val, I have to respect your love of the D and D-ing game. Picked up twice in 24 hours? That’s some serious work and dedication.
I think I like a lot of things about this boozy broad and her whole wild weekend story in general…
So anyway, Val, you made a lot of Veterans proud with this complete lack of regard for your fellow motorists over the long weekend. Oops, did I say ‘Veterans’? I meant ‘No One’.
We’ll see if you can top yourself come 4th of July! Maybe the elusive drunk driving holiday weekend hat trick is achievable?
Not sure what has a hold of me this week, but I am just angry. Could be the pollen count is like 9 million (I dont even know if thats possible so piss off…I am not Harvey Fucking Leonard! See what I mean?). Could be that our entire region’s “boyfriend” Touchdown Tommy is being unfairly punished and criticized. Could be I just hate everyone. Yes, you too.
Whatever the case I decided the most therapeutic way – except for exercise, alcohol {I am lying, thats always part of my regiment}, yoga or talk therapy – to deal with this unforeseen steam is to expunge the demons with this blog. Identify each and everything that annoyed the shit out of me in recent days and let it out, drop the blood pressure to acceptably high range and allow me to move on living a life of religious and spiritual harmony.
Namaste.
Nope – that shit is stupid and I still dont’ feel any better….on to the Airing of Grievances
While I can not pinpoint one major thing….I have a list of several little ones for sure
Ted Wells. Your 243 page report on Deflategate is flawed and biased, jack wagon. Your mustache looks like the work of a 3 year old child with a Sharpie. You, sir, suck. Here is a quick excerpt from the 1 Page McCabe Report: Fuck you.
Boston Sports. Nothing but bad news around these parts right now. Besides TB12 getting emasculated by the media; the Sox suck, the Celts and Bruins are on the golf course during playoff season. Nothing to watch this week. I actaully tuned in to the freakin NY Ranger game last night. Lord, forgive me.
I am sure there is a whole bunch of other things the world did to me to bring out the Flabby Hulk but I think this little rant has done the trick to quell my rage. Well, no not really. Still kinda want to kick some stuff.
This is not a post about golf. This is a story about pressure.
For golf and non-golf fans alike, this week is the SuperBowl of the Sport; The Masters. The 79th edition where the world’s greatest players converge on Augusta, Georgia with the willingness to sacrifice their first born child (Tiger Woods will never know which one on this earth was his first, but pretty sure he would give them up to the golf Gods) in hopes of winning a bright green dinner jacket – yes really.
This week the world has been not-so-surprised by the incredible play of Jordan Speith, a 21 year old phenom from Texas that clearly appears to be the next legend in the sport. He has broken several records over these last 3 days of competition and looks like the clear favorite to finish it off on Sunday for his first Major Championship.
As young Mr. Speith walked off the 18th green last evening with a commanding lead, I started thinking about how he would manage the next 30 hours until he hit his next golf shot. The pressure. The mind games you must play on yourself. The media examining every word, action and emotion.
Clearly this “kid” is not phased and likely will handle the situation beautifully. BUT, what would I do if I were in his silly white golf shoes?
Here is a frame by frame of how athletes like Jordan handle the pressure in the hours before the biggest round/match/game/etc of their lives looming versus how folks like me would bide their time.
8:00PM Saturday:
Jordan Speith: Sign his card, shake a few hands, give a few hugs and visit the practice green to fine tune a few points of his game.
FM: High five EVERY member of the gallery. Do a few funnels of beer and sign autographs of hot females ONLY. Practice, schmactice.
9:30PM Saturday:
JS: Discuss a game plan for Sunday. Eat a light dinner with family
FM: Straight to the bar. I’m buying shots, y’all. Line em up. Anyone want a steak? Yup, I’m buying those suckers, too.
11:00PM Saturday
JS: Lights out. Night night
FM: ‘Hey Tiger, any good strip joints in Augusta?’
2:00AM Sunday
JS: Zzzzzzzzz
FM: Smoking weed with 4 University of Georgia sophomores and Arnold Palmer in back of an Uber limo.
5:00AM Sunday
JS: Alarm goes off – its game day.
FM: ‘Can I get a wake up call for 10? Oh, and can you send up some nachos?’
8:00AM Sunday
JS: Finish breakfast, off to the practice tee
FM: Zzzzzzzz
10:30AM Sunday
JS: Already had an hour on practice tee. Time to chip and putt.
FM: Open eyes. Realize the pressure in front of me. Throw up nachos and sit in bathtub while shower pummels my sad, hungover body. And I’m crying.
12:00PM Sunday
JS: Final equipment check. Lunch. Take a little time to rest up.
FM: Still trying to catch a cab to the course from the Waffle House Hotel I somehow managed to end up in. Where are my clubs?
1:30PM Sunday
JS: Start to loosen up. Stretch. Chip and putt.
FM: I really need to find a bathroom, some Advil and a maybe a cheeseburger
2:00PM Sunday
JS: Final prep. Stay loose. Hydrate.
ME: I am so tired. Where is my wallet? Oh, there are my clubs. I don’t even have a caddy. I need a beer.
2:30PM Sunday
JS: Mental prep and head for the 1st tee to make history. I got this.
FM: Hide in the coat room of the clubhouse. I can’t do this. Throw up again and need new underwear.
2:45PM Sunday
JS: It is finally here and I am ready! Let’s do this!
FM: Tournament officials find me in the coatroom. Drag me toward first tee. I haven’t swung club. I am going to literally die of heart failure. Oops, and need more underwear gentlemen. Stat.
2:55PM Sunday TEE TIME
JS: Stripes his first shot down the middle the roaring applause of the fans.
The first shot toward history.
FM: Rip a hook shot dead left into the gallery and kill a 58 year old woman. Almost simultaneously I puke, shit and faint. Dragged off course and forced to withdraw from The Masters without completing a hole.
The first shot is whiskey.
Best of luck today, Mr. Speith! I’ll be watching and eating nachos from the safety of my couch.
Well, if you have not already heard (weirdo), than you know that Zayne Malik from One Direction has left.the.band. After a 5 year historic run by this British Boy band, Mr. Malik has decided he is too good for Harry Styles and the Lads.
Bad move, Z…bad move.
I have been watching you and learning for years. I know your moves. I know the mojo. I know how you operate, sucka. And now is MY time – MY TIME – to capitalize.
Sure, I am twice your age.
Correct, I can’t sing.
Yes, I don’t have the incredible hair you all magically possess.
But what I do have, fellas, is desire. I have been around, ya know? I have been through hell and back. I haven’t been eating tea and drinking crumpets my whole life. No no. So, you have no choice but to interview me as the next member of the ‘Direction. Deal with it.
Now, before I pound my chest much more I realize a painful truth that you limies need to recognize. I am a 40 year old married, father of three that lives in Massachusetts. Nonetheless, no one is stomping on my dreams…..
That stated, I started playing out the phone call to my wife when I decide to make the leap and simply GO FOR IT. Little summin like this….and this is where my dream ends….
(ring ring)
Wife: Hello
@5direction: Hey, its me’
Wife: Where are you? Still at work? Its getting late…
@5direction: Heathrow
Wife: Huh? What are you talking about? I have 2 kids in the tub and the other is…
@5direction: Heathrow Airport. England.
Wife: I don’t have time for this shit Frank. I need you to stop at store and grab us…
@5direction: Hon, I am not joking. I grabbed a flight this morning’
Wife: What?
@5direction: Just listen for one second. Zayne quit.
Wife: What are you talking about? Who the hell is Zayne?
@5direction: Zayne! From One Direction.
Wife: One Direction? The band? What the hell do you mean? What is wrong with you? Are you drunk?
@5direction: No, I am NOT drunk. I have never felt better in my life. Honey, I am trying out to be the next member of One Direction.
Wife: Frank, I don’t have time for this f*(&^% crap, just get home. NOW!
@5direction: Babe, I am not kidding. This is my dream and I can’t let you get in the way. Tell the kids I love them and maybe I will see them when we hit the tour in the States in the Fall. If you really step back, this is the best thing that could ever…
Wife: Stop idiot. Come home now or I will cut your….
@5direction: Ok.
Here endeth the dream….
Congratulations to our main man Tobes for the safe arrival of his first son, Arthur William!
Best to him, Beth and an early thank you to those 2 older sisters of young A.W. as he will surely date their friends some day!
Can I Be Frank & Crew? 