The Root of All Beer is Evil

beers-yearround

Description: Ale with the Taste of Spices
ABV: 5.9%
Profile: Bold, Sweet, Smooth, Spicy
Serving Temperature: 38°-50°F
Availability: Year Round
Package: 12oz Bottle, 6 Pack
Not Your Fathers Root Beer – 12 oz bottle

Tasting Notes: Silky, smooth and satisfying finish is unmatched in flavor. It appeals to craft beer aficionados as well as those who don’t typically drink beer but crave something unique.

Because of the overwhelming response to Not Your Fathers Root Beer, we have had thousands of requests from all over the country for this product in a package format. We’ve worked relentlessly with experts that make up over 80 years of brewing experience for almost two years to figure out how to increase production to meet demand while keeping the cost to consumers reasonable.

At long last…it’s here.

Welcome to Summer 2015, people.  And let me, hopefully, be the first to introduce you to, what I believe, will be the ‘What-the-hell-happened-last-night-where-are-my-pants-is-that-a-Mongoose-in-bed-with-me?‘ beverage of choice for the warm weather season.

Say hello to Not Your Father’s Root Beer brewed by Small Town Brewery.  And unless your father was Will “He used to just put a belt, a stick, and a wrench on the table. Just say, “Choose.” Hunting’s Dad, then this is truth in advertising.  No God-fearing paternal figure would bestow this evil on to the world – let alone his children.  NYFRB is like something scientists wish they could  un-invent like the VX Gas that nearly destroyed San Francisco in The Rock.

I realize this product has been on the market for a while, but I was just exposed to it last week and decided to share the Lord’s good word with my fellow cohorts who also follow the credo of ‘I’ll drink anything.’ (NYFRB has already take my fellow blogger @pistoffirishman by storm.  He is in the fetal position over at the Methadone Clinic as I type this trying to figure out how his weekend vanished?)

Read the description above.

“Silky

“Smooth”

“Satisfying”

It’s very refreshing shouted Kosmo Kramer!

And truth be told, these bad boys are absolutely dee-lish-usssss!  That said, did you catch the alcohol content?  5.9%!  A bit aggressive for something that tastes EXACTLY like a MUG Root Beer, wouldn’t you agree?  For your non-beer drinkers that’s double the booze of what your average Bud/Miller Lite/Coors Light are throwing at you.  Oh and did I mention how freakin delicious they are?  Even for the professional brew drowners, there is a taste that comes with beer that reminds you that it is not Yoo Hoo or Gatorade and should be drank responsibly.  Point being is that unless you are at a fraternity (by the way wouldn’t the best douchy fraternity name  be ‘Chips Ahoy’?  As in, ‘Greetings, my name is Malcolm “Chips” Ahoy the 5th.  Polo anyone?) flip cup tournament, the occasions where you chug beers is few and far between.  Not the case with NYFRB.  I would equate the experience to a kid tasting cocaine suger for the first time.  In the immortal words of Will Ferrell in Old School, “Once it hits your lips, it’s so good!

So, this is a fair warning for all the guys and gals with the innocent summer intention of ‘bringing something new to the 4th of July barbecue’.  What you are actually doing is inviting the Devil over to steal your pants and deliver that Mongoose.

You heard it here….

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One thought on “The Root of All Beer is Evil

  1. Pingback: Not Your Father’s GINGER ALE?! = Life Wrecker | Can I Be Frank & Crew?

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