Honey, I joined One Direction

Well, if you have not already heard (weirdo), than you know that Zayne Malik from One Direction has left.the.band.  After a 5 year historic run by this British Boy band, Mr. Malik has decided he is too good for Harry Styles and the Lads.

Bad move, Z…bad move.

I have been watching you and learning for years.  I know your moves.  I know the mojo.  I know how you operate, sucka.  And now is MY time – MY TIME – to capitalize.

Sure, I am twice your age.

Correct, I can’t sing.

Yes, I don’t have the incredible hair you all magically possess.

But what I do have, fellas, is desire.  I have been around, ya know?  I have been through hell and back.  I haven’t been eating tea and drinking crumpets my whole life.  No no.  So, you have no choice but to interview me as the next member of the ‘Direction.  Deal with it.

Now, before I pound my chest much more I realize a painful truth that you limies need to recognize.  I am a 40 year old married, father of three that lives in Massachusetts.  Nonetheless, no one is stomping on my dreams…..


That stated, I started playing out the phone call to my wife when I decide to make the leap and simply GO FOR IT.  Little summin like this….and this is where my dream ends….

(ring ring)

Wife: Hello

@5direction: Hey, its me’

Wife:  Where are you?  Still at work?  Its getting late…

@5direction: Heathrow

Wife: Huh?  What are you talking about?  I have 2 kids in the tub and the other is…

@5direction: Heathrow Airport.  England.

Wife:  I don’t have time for this shit Frank.  I need you to stop at store and grab us…

@5direction:  Hon, I am not joking.  I grabbed a flight this morning’

Wife:  What?

@5direction:  Just listen for one second.  Zayne quit.

Wife:  What are you talking about?  Who the hell is Zayne?

@5direction:  Zayne!  From One Direction.

Wife:  One Direction?  The band?  What the hell do you mean?  What is wrong with you?  Are you drunk?

@5direction:  No, I am NOT drunk.  I have never felt better in my life.  Honey, I am trying out to be the next member of One Direction.

Wife:  Frank, I don’t have time for this f*(&^% crap, just get home.  NOW!

@5direction:  Babe, I am not kidding.  This is my dream and I can’t let you get in the way.  Tell the kids I love them and maybe I will see them when we hit the tour in the States in the Fall.  If you really step back, this is the best thing that could ever…

Wife:  Stop idiot.  Come home now or I will cut your….

@5direction:  Ok.

Here endeth the dream….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s