Can I Be Frank & Crew?

Can I Be Frank, Frank McCabe, Uncategorized

Grain Alcohol & Violin Making? Makes sense…

ANNAPOLIS, Md. (AP) — Binge drinkers and frat boys aren’t the only ones despairing over Maryland’s new ban on grain alcohol: Violin makers who used the liquor to make varnish are also affected.

Silver Spring violin maker Howard Needham tells The Washington Post (http://wapo.st/1sVB1y0) that nothing works better than Everclear grain alcohol for making the varnishes he uses to repair chipped or broken musical instruments. He’s been hoarding whatever grain alcohol he can get his hands on since the ban took effect last month.

Other violin makers report similar concerns.

Maryland became one of several states to ban sales of alcohol at 190 proof or higher. Leaders at Maryland’s colleges and universities supported the ban, saying students abused grain alcohol as a cheap way to get drunk.

Information from: The Washington Post, http://www.washingtonpost.com

Kool Aid. Fruit Punch. Lemonade. Sure, all of those mix pretty damn nice with a little moonshine. But violin making? Come on dude! I am sorry, Mr. Needham (if thats even your real name?) but today I am calling you out on your bullshit. I have never heard such a terrible reason to deny you simply want to get black-out, white-girl wasted in my life. This lie ranks up there with ‘the dog ate my homework’, ‘Eskimos are real people’ and ‘smoking is bad for you’. Simply not true.

Let me tell you what I think is really going down here. Ol’ Howie Needham was sick of his wife’s constant yapping and decided to turn it up a notch. Mrs. Needham is probably one of those crazy, controlling broads that won’t let hubby suck down a 12 pack on a Sunday afternoon after cutting the lawn. What is a man to do? Exactly. Tell the old lady you have taken up “violin making” so he can secretly get Keith Richards-wrecked in the garage? I get it, man. Well played. Tell that ball and chain anything you need to so you can drink yourself blind on Everclear, but please don’t whine to the press and try to sell it to the American public you brilliant degenerate maniac.

Dan Tobin

Well, if it isn’t another “Drinking is good for you article.”

PSMAG

Bob Welch, former star Dodgers pitcher, died in June from a heart attack at age 57. In 1981, Welch published (with George Vecsey)Five O’Clock Comes Early: A Cy Young Award-Winner Recounts His Greatest Victory, in which he detailed how he became an alcoholic at age 16: “I would get a buzz on and I would stop being afraid of girls. I was shy, but with a couple of beers in me, it was all right.”

In his early 20s, he recognized his “disease” and quit drinking. But I wonder if, like most 20-something problem drinkers (as shown byall epidemiological research), he would otherwise have outgrown his excessive drinking and drunk moderately?

If he had, he might still be alive. At least, that’s what the odds say.

Had Welch smoked, his obituaries would have mentioned it by way of explaining how a world-class athlete might have died prematurely of heart disease. But no one would dare suggest that quitting drinking might be responsible for his heart attack.

Even drinking more than is recommended, without displaying clinical symptoms of problem drinking or alcohol dependence (and these are not subtle), is generally better for you than drinking nothing.

In fact, the evidence that abstinence from alcohol is a cause of heart disease and early death is irrefutable—yet this is almost unmentionable in the United States. Even as health bodies like the CDC and Dietary Guidelines for Americans (prepared by Health and Human Services) now recognize the decisive benefits from moderate drinking, each such announcement is met by an onslaught of opposition and criticism, and is always at risk of being reversed.

ZZZZzzzz….ZZZzzzzz…what!? Oh, you woke me up for another “Drinking is good for you” article. Yeah, no shit. Of course drinking is good for you. Everyone knows this. You’re about 500 “Drinking is good for your articles” late on this one. What I’m waiting for is the article that tells me that all the horribly unhealthy stuff we do WHILE drinking is perfectly healthy. Like, “Inhaling 3000 calories of breakfast fare at 3 am is actually good for you!” “Trying to the give that 3-billed train wreck that you met at a bar a 10 finger boost into your dorm bunk bed, is good for you! (provided you bend your knees.)” “Telling a funny joke to the girlfriend of the jealous, over protective, sociopathic mixed martial artist who is checking id’s at the bar you’re in, is good for you!” “Having an honest moment with your wife and telling her your ‘actual’ number, is good for you!” “Urinating publicly in a school zone is super good for you.” Heck while you’re at it, “Diving boards, batting cages, your kid’s trampoline, razor scooters, and skate boards…when combined with a healthy buzz, will extend your time on earth. “

Now that’s a study.

Austin Fontanella, Sports

Why I want Johnny Manziel To Fail

If the Fantasy Football name contests don’t give it away a quick look at the calendar will; football season is right around the corner. The 2014 NFL draft is now more than 3 months behind us, but the league’s 22^nd pick is still making headlines (and not exactly for the right reasons).

I’m talking of course about Johnny Manziel or what is Alex, “The one person who’s living out most men’s fantasies”. The 21 year old not only partied his way through college, but did so to the tune of a 2012 Heisman Trophy and a first round pick in the NFL draft. The guy is so popular that you could probably get lucky with the right woman if you just mentioned he picked on you in high school.

Now that we agree I would gladly switch places with him let’s dive into the meat of this; why I want Johnny Manziel to fail (at least to start). When Johnny Football (which is already trademarked by the way) came out and talked about his battle with the playbook it became pretty clear this first round pick wasn’t exactly a stickler for the classroom.

Quick question; how is that an acceptable answer? You just penned an eight million dollar contract, and walked away with an extra four million dollars for correctly spelling your name! When your job is to be a passible NFL quarterback how do you not pick up the playbook on a daily basis? Tack on the fact Cleveland hasn’t been to the Super Bowl since 1965 and it’s almost a crime!

Everything we have seen thus far indicates Manziel expects to go through his NFL career just like his college one; skating by on his sheer athletic talent. In the world of instant information it wouldn’t take the 21 year old very long to realize that is a dangerous gamble. Just ask Ryan Leaf: one moment you’re an NFL quarterback, and the next you’re reduced to stealing prescription drugs from a high school prep student.

Young Johnny Manziel hasn’t known failure in his entire life, and that’s a problem. If you haven’t been knocked down a few times what motivation do you have to get better? If you want evidence of this simply look at your most recent Super Bowl winner. Russell Wilson was an undersized third round pick who people thought would at best occupy a backup spot.

It’s now Maziel’s turn to break out of that stranglehold. Whether the Texas A&M alumni realizes it or not, the Cleveland Browns just did him a huge favor by making him their backup. Johnny Football is finally experiencing failure for the first time, and what he does next will likely determine his NFL career. Now he can either go take his ball and go home (to what is likely a gorgeous woman so he has that going for him) or ditch his stupid touchdown dance and take his job seriously.

If you’re a Cleveland fan you hope this is the first step to a path of maturity. But then you remember God hates Cleveland, and that trend setting touchdown dances aren’t easy to come up with on the fly.

MANZIEL-MONEY — With moves like that how could Michael Jackson not be proud!

Uncategorized

How about Washington Cranky Pants?

Apparently the Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder doesn’t think there is anything disrespectful about his teams’ nickname. Snyder you need to smarten up bub, you’re about as up to date as my health records. You really need to be looking at the big picture here to capitalize on this opportunity. You can change the name to anything you want which leads to everyone who is a fan of your crap team has to buy all new shirts, hats, and the rest of the overpriced garbage. Never mind the fact that the logo is pretty much a slap in the face to all 120 American Indians left in the country and that’s only counting half of Jacoby Ellsbury. This is also your chance to piss off every other team in every sport that is remotely close to making somebody shed a tear like that trash hating Indian guy from the 80’s. For starters you can go after teams in your own league. You can go after the Oakland Raiders and the Kansas City Chiefs and that’s just the Indian Community. Look at the Denver Broncos, that name is disparaging to numerous Americans as well. I think John Elway, Shannon Sharpe, Nancy Kerrigan, Kanye West and the rest of the horse toothed people would get behind that name change. I’m sure you can talk to Andre’s relatives and Khloe Kardashian about having them help you change the NY Giants. The NFL is just the tip of the ice berg my friend.

There are a ton of team names that insult someone of a certain race, creed and background. I will just rattle a few off my head, Cleveland Indians-Indians, Minnesota Vikings –blondes, Alabama Crimson Tide- women, Green Bay Packers- my uncles husband, Washington Wizards – David Copperfield, New York Yankees – Pee wee Herman, and Notre Dame Fighting Irish. The last one hits home really hard making me cry to sleep at night. You think I’m happy about the Notre Dame fighting Irish? Ohhhh so all Irish guys drink whisky and then want to fight about stupid issues. First off I haven’t had whisky in over 4 hours and I haven’t had a stupid fight in 7 hours (You know Mo Vaughn is better than Jim Rice goddamn it DAD). Yes Irish people drink and fight but just as much as everyone else. I don’t plan on having anything to drink until at least noon today, unless you’re buying or its Friday. The ND logo also wants to suggest that the Irish all should be short and have red beards. I mean besides my legal midget pal Tobin most of my Irish friends and family are of average height. Forget about my beard, it has more of a Tom Hanks-Philadelphia- AIDS vibe to it than the leprechaun look. You all know I love ND just as much as the next guy (no tattoo or anything) but all stereotype logos are wrong and need to be changed immediately. Seriously and if you don’t agree with my point of view then you should be thrown in the stupid loud drunken asshole Irish vehicle, oh right I mean the PADDY WAGON.

Dan Tobin

Has there ever been a hotter summer look than the Facekini?

The Guardian

Swimmers in the eastern Chinese city of Qingdao have already made waves on the internet for their bizarre swimming gear: colourful, full-face masks. Dubbed ‘facekini,’ the fabric masks cover a swimmer’s entire head and neck down to the collar bones. Holes are cut for eyes, nostrils and mouth

Not since my buddy Dunny (@PistoffIrishman) unleashed the Doc Martin/Coorduroy Pant Summer Collection down at Seabrook Beach, has the high fashion industry been turned on its head like this.

A flummoxed yet intrigued Tim Gunn reading this blog.

The Facekini is the answer to all your summer worries. Did you neglect to do a couple sit-ups during your winter hibernation…aka you’re looking all frumpy and fat as shit? No worries, throw on a Facekini. Ordinarily, I’m one in a sea of muffin tops, sucking-in as I stroll the beach at low tide. When I put on my electric facekini, the beach bunnies take notice. I’m the mysterious, sexy guy sending out the vibes, flooding more coastal basements than a tropical storm…and that’s even before I tame the waves with an epic body surfing sesh’.

Say what you will about the Chinese, but they’re clearly best in class when it comes to stamping out self-confidence issues. Take for example this strapping lad who appears to be housing China’s nuclear arsenal in his swimming trunks…heads up Hawaii.

He must be wearing an invisible Facekini.

Dan Tobin

You didn’t invite your fat buddy to your cheesesteak party? Green Light Fat Rampage.

Lehigh Valley Live

A teenager upset that his friends didn’t invite him over to eat cheesesteaks in Hellertown allegedly dragged one of his buddies down a flight of stairs and kicked the victim in the face, according to court records.

Police say William Joseph Hitchcock-Sahr Jr., 18, of the first block of Kiernan Avenue, called Brandon Ridgick on Monday and found out Ridgick and two others were hanging out in the 100 block of Northampton Street eating cheesesteaks.

Hitchcock-Sahr showed up and started arguing because he wasn’t invited and Ridgick hadn’t bought him a sandwich, according to court documents.

Wow…with friends like these, who needs enemies. Call it experience, call it street smarts, call it 3 years of charm school, but one thing I know is when you invite a kid into your inner circle with the physical build of a bean bag chair, you better make sure he’s on the VIP list if you’re planning weird cheesesteak parties. It’s a social protocol that you just can’t overlook, as the fallout is most certainly fat rampage. If you’re talking birthday parties at the water park, shirts and skins pick-up games, hot air balloon rides, or games like paintball where it helps to be able to hide behind stuff…then by all means, keep chubs out of the loop. Feelings still may be hurt, but most behavioral scientist agree that “The relief of Fat Anxiety is > fat rage.”