Swimmers in the eastern Chinese city of Qingdao have already made waves on the internet for their bizarre swimming gear: colourful, full-face masks. Dubbed ‘facekini,’ the fabric masks cover a swimmer’s entire head and neck down to the collar bones. Holes are cut for eyes, nostrils and mouth
Not since my buddy Dunny (@PistoffIrishman) unleashed the Doc Martin/Coorduroy Pant Summer Collection down at Seabrook Beach, has the high fashion industry been turned on its head like this.
The Facekini is the answer to all your summer worries. Did you neglect to do a couple sit-ups during your winter hibernation…aka you’re looking all frumpy and fat as shit? No worries, throw on a Facekini. Ordinarily, I’m one in a sea of muffin tops, sucking-in as I stroll the beach at low tide. When I put on my electric facekini, the beach bunnies take notice. I’m the mysterious, sexy guy sending out the vibes, flooding more coastal basements than a tropical storm…and that’s even before I tame the waves with an epic body surfing sesh’.
Say what you will about the Chinese, but they’re clearly best in class when it comes to stamping out self-confidence issues. Take for example this strapping lad who appears to be housing China’s nuclear arsenal in his swimming trunks…heads up Hawaii.
He must be wearing an invisible Facekini.