Grain Alcohol & Violin Making? Makes sense…

ANNAPOLIS, Md. (AP) — Binge drinkers and frat boys aren’t the only ones despairing over Maryland’s new ban on grain alcohol: Violin makers who used the liquor to make varnish are also affected.

Silver Spring violin maker Howard Needham tells The Washington Post (http://wapo.st/1sVB1y0) that nothing works better than Everclear grain alcohol for making the varnishes he uses to repair chipped or broken musical instruments. He’s been hoarding whatever grain alcohol he can get his hands on since the ban took effect last month.

Other violin makers report similar concerns.

Maryland became one of several states to ban sales of alcohol at 190 proof or higher. Leaders at Maryland’s colleges and universities supported the ban, saying students abused grain alcohol as a cheap way to get drunk.

Information from: The Washington Post, http://www.washingtonpost.com

Kool Aid.  Fruit Punch.  Lemonade.  Sure, all of those mix pretty damn nice with a little moonshine.  But violin making?  Come on dude!  I am sorry, Mr. Needham (if thats even your real name?) but today I am calling you out on your bullshit.  I have never heard such a terrible reason to deny you simply want to get black-out, white-girl wasted in my life.  This lie ranks up there with ‘the dog ate my homework’, ‘Eskimos are real people’ and ‘smoking is bad for you’.  Simply not true.

Let me tell you what I think is really going down here.  Ol’ Howie Needham was sick of his wife’s constant yapping and decided to turn it up a notch.  Mrs. Needham is probably one of those crazy, controlling broads that won’t let hubby suck down a 12 pack on a Sunday afternoon after cutting the lawn.  What is a man to do?  Exactly.  Tell the old lady you have taken up “violin making” so he can secretly get Keith Richards-wrecked in the garage?  I get it, man.  Well played.  Tell that ball and chain anything you need to so you can drink yourself blind on Everclear, but please don’t whine to the press and try to sell it to the American public you brilliant degenerate maniac.

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This entry was posted in Can I Be Frank, Frank McCabe, Uncategorized and tagged , on by .

About Frank McCabe

Frank McCabe is an avid relaxer and Chinese food (i.e. Mai Tai) connoisseur. When he is not tending to his 'real' job, his wife and three children, Frank escapes reality by writing and inventing anything "funny" that pops in his head. With a Bachelors degree in Silliness, Frank subscribes to the theory that life is short...and, well, that kinda sucks, doesn't it? In his downtime Frank enjoys skinny skiing and going to bullfights on acid. @fhmccabe

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