Pistoffirishman

Uzi Dazzy

An Arizona shooting instructor died after the 9-year-old girl he was teaching to use an Uzi accidentally shot him in the head, according to the Associated Press.

Charles Vacca, 39, was standing next to the girl Monday morning, offering instruction at a shooting range in White Hill, about an hour southeast of Las Vegas, authorities told Phoenix station KTVK.

Mohave County Sheriff Jim McCabe told the Las Vegas Review-Journal that the girl had safely fired the gun many times when it was set in the “single-shot” mode. But then the gun was put into fully automatic mode, and that’s when it recoiled and fired off multiple rounds. The girl lost control of the gun as it went above her head, and she shot Vaca.

“The guy just dropped,” McCabe told Review-Journal.

Vaca died after being airlifted to a hospital in Las Vegas, the Associated Press reported.

The girl was vacationing with her parents, from New Jersey, and was visiting Last Stop Arizona, where the Burgers and Bullets shooting range is located, the Review-Journal reported.

The shooting range’s Web site says the minimum age for the “ground adventure” is 8, and children ages 8 to 17 “must be accompanied by parent or legal guardian at all times.”

McCabe said that no charges will be filed in the incident.

Okay everybody get the colored ribbons out, lets start a ice bucket challenge for these people, lets talk about what a tragedy this is and how it could be prevented in the future. How about this assholes…not giving a goddamn Uzi to a 9 year old? This isn’t Red Dawn here people; Swayze isn’t teaching this girl how to survive the Commies, it’s people on vacation hoping to Facebook something to Grandma. I wouldn’t let a 9 year old hold a bottle of ketchup near me never mind a gun that can mow down the starting lineup of the Red Sox. Unless he whispered in her ear that “One Direction sucks“, I am guessing this is just a accident. Not a tragic accident, just an accident. A tragic accident would be if he only had one more day of work before retirement. We can look at the bright side of this accident, she will probably never have a issue with boys making fun of her. She will most likely be cast in the Expendables 4, and she can always say “remember that time in Arizona when I killed a guy“.

(Red from Shawshank Redemption Voice Over)

I’d like to think the last thing that went through that instructors head, other than that bullet, was ‘what the hell am I doing helping a 9 year old girl shoot a stupid ass target? Well, at least I only got one more day til retirement’.

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How about Washington Cranky Pants?

Apparently the Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder doesn’t think there is anything disrespectful about his teams’ nickname. Snyder you need to smarten up bub, you’re about as up to date as my health records. You really need to be looking at the big picture here to capitalize on this opportunity. You can change the name to anything you want which leads to everyone who is a fan of your crap team has to buy all new shirts, hats, and the rest of the overpriced garbage. Never mind the fact that the logo is pretty much a slap in the face to all 120 American Indians left in the country and that’s only counting half of Jacoby Ellsbury. This is also your chance to piss off every other team in every sport that is remotely close to making somebody shed a tear like that trash hating Indian guy from the 80’s. For starters you can go after teams in your own league. You can go after the Oakland Raiders and the Kansas City Chiefs and that’s just the Indian Community. Look at the Denver Broncos, that name is disparaging to numerous Americans as well. I think John Elway, Shannon Sharpe, Nancy Kerrigan, Kanye West and the rest of the horse toothed people would get behind that name change. I’m sure you can talk to Andre’s relatives and Khloe Kardashian about having them help you change the NY Giants. The NFL is just the tip of the ice berg my friend.

There are a ton of team names that insult someone of a certain race, creed and background. I will just rattle a few off my head, Cleveland Indians-Indians, Minnesota Vikings –blondes, Alabama Crimson Tide- women, Green Bay Packers- my uncles husband, Washington Wizards – David Copperfield, New York Yankees – Pee wee Herman, and Notre Dame Fighting Irish. The last one hits home really hard making me cry to sleep at night. You think I’m happy about the Notre Dame fighting Irish? Ohhhh so all Irish guys drink whisky and then want to fight about stupid issues. First off I haven’t had whisky in over 4 hours and I haven’t had a stupid fight in 7 hours (You know Mo Vaughn is better than Jim Rice goddamn it DAD). Yes Irish people drink and fight but just as much as everyone else. I don’t plan on having anything to drink until at least noon today, unless you’re buying or its Friday. The ND logo also wants to suggest that the Irish all should be short and have red beards. I mean besides my legal midget pal Tobin most of my Irish friends and family are of average height. Forget about my beard, it has more of a Tom Hanks-Philadelphia- AIDS vibe to it than the leprechaun look. You all know I love ND just as much as the next guy (no tattoo or anything) but all stereotype logos are wrong and need to be changed immediately. Seriously and if you don’t agree with my point of view then you should be thrown in the stupid loud drunken asshole Irish vehicle, oh right I mean the PADDY WAGON.

Anger, Pistoffirishman, Uncategorized

When’s Rhinoceros week?

So it’s Shark Week again, that special time of year when you tune into The Discovery Channel in hopes of seeing some clown with a creepy accent get his leg bitten off. I’m with you guys, I am all for people with creepy accents being chomped to pieces. Shark Week is just like a NASCAR race, you are really only watching hoping for an accident (insert Tony Stewart joke here). Without the gore its boring and it’s been covered – big, little, flying, mechanical, hammer, tiger, prehistoric, cold blooded, pool and card sharks. Hell, they now have a God damn late night talk show “Shark Week Live” where some Troy McClure guy talks about his unnatural love of sharks. Unless your showing me live footage of Hooper riding Jaws while swallowing up that whale Khloe Khardasian on the Hamptons, I’ve kinda checked out.

What’s the next animal that should have its own week dedicated to nonstop coverage? How bout a modern day fucking Dinosaur unicorn that is covered in armor! I know what your thinking “I know nothing of this animal”? Ya no shit me neither. It’s the Rhinoceros you jack wagons. I do know how to escape bears, elephants,sharks, deer ticks, and Sasquatch but a rhino comes at me I’m more dead then Mrs. Doubtfire 2. A gun won’t do it, the thing is armor plated which is stronger then Robin Williams belt (over quota on suicide jokes?). You can try running away but the thing is faster then my brother through a 30 pack of Budweiser.

Rhinos get a bad rap too because we only see the old ones in the zoo, but the Rhinos in the bush are plotting away. Those mother-fuckers just sitting there talking to each other about the best way to spear a tourist is through the fanny pack. The only thing more awkward then running into a pissed off Rhino late at night is Thanksgiving Dinner after we have the “alcoholism is on both sides of the family” discussion at my parents. So think of the ways Shark Week has helped you avoid getting bitten, punch it in the nose, magnets, play dead, Tackleberrys .357 magnum, and remember none of those moves will help you when that modern day Dinosaur puts its horn right up your ass.

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Focused Anger

How do you put an exclamation point on a vacation? Well, on your way to work you realize that your sweet 2005 Ford Focus had been stolen. Sure who doesn’t want a Focus? I’ve seen the commercials and heard the rappers bragging about owning one. To steal a $2500 car because you can’t afford one is just plain wrong. I know how it was stolen too, a team of hip hop loving ninjas repelled down from my roof while Nic Cage popped my starter. I see it now, Cage or some junkie flying down the street at 45 mph blaring my frozen soundtrack thinking he owned the world. Well good luck bub, the inspection sticker is expired and the mufflers busted Hahahaha. So before you try to pawn it for 2 oxys here’s some info you need to know. The dead hooker in the trunk was there when I bought it, those Rascal Flatts CDs were a gift, and the Mexican Boom Boom under the seat is only for show, it’s flower. Hey junkie can you do me one small favor? After you run out of pills and steal again, can you step it up to the needle! You get way more for your dollar. Then hopefully you pass out on the train tracks behind Molly Kay’s just as a cargo train carrying my new Honda Fit splits you in two. Thanks Dick!!