How do you put an exclamation point on a vacation? Well, on your way to work you realize that your sweet 2005 Ford Focus had been stolen. Sure who doesn’t want a Focus? I’ve seen the commercials and heard the rappers bragging about owning one. To steal a $2500 car because you can’t afford one is just plain wrong. I know how it was stolen too, a team of hip hop loving ninjas repelled down from my roof while Nic Cage popped my starter. I see it now, Cage or some junkie flying down the street at 45 mph blaring my frozen soundtrack thinking he owned the world. Well good luck bub, the inspection sticker is expired and the mufflers busted Hahahaha. So before you try to pawn it for 2 oxys here’s some info you need to know. The dead hooker in the trunk was there when I bought it, those Rascal Flatts CDs were a gift, and the Mexican Boom Boom under the seat is only for show, it’s flower. Hey junkie can you do me one small favor? After you run out of pills and steal again, can you step it up to the needle! You get way more for your dollar. Then hopefully you pass out on the train tracks behind Molly Kay’s just as a cargo train carrying my new Honda Fit splits you in two. Thanks Dick!!
Published by Pistoffirishman
I'm a married father of two boys, I also have a long term civil union with alcohol and anger. Some people say one causes the other but I don't give a shit. In between work, marriage and binges I try to get a rise out of people. Why? You ask. Because I'm bored, Nightcourt isn't on nick at night anymore, and my wife hid my god damn whiskey. So what of it!!! Follow on twitter at @pistoffirishman View all posts by Pistoffirishman