Beastie Boys + Muppets = Awesome
http://guyism.com/entertainment/music/the-muppets-singing-so-whatcha-want-video.html
Happy Weekend y’all!!!!
Slate.com
Reports of sharks biting the undersea cables that zip our data around the world date to at least 1987. That’s when the New York Times reported that “sharks have shown an inexplicable taste for the new fiber-optic cables that are being strung along the ocean floor linking the United States, Europe, and Japan.”
Now it seems Google is biting back. According to Network World’s Brandon Butler, a Google product manager explained at a recent event that the company has taken to wrapping its trans-Pacific underwater cables in Kevlar to guard against shark bites.
Google confirmed to me that its newest generation of undersea cables comes wrapped in special protective yarn and steel wire armor—and that the goal is to protect against cable cuts, including possible shark attacks.
Shark expert Mitchell Chevalier recently took to the internet to take me to task on my lack of Shark knowledge (see comments)…and what do you know, the Sharks start eating the actual internet. I stand corrected, Mitchell. Please accept my apologies.
Anyway, It’s been a big week for Kevlar. From keeping over zealous swat guys safe in Missouri to preventing tons of youporn from spilling out onto our oceans floors. That’s a win for humans in my book.
(Cue lights, camera, music and …)
Welcome back to the, Family Feud. If you’re just joining us you’ve missed a good one as the 2010 NBA fans take on your 2014 NBA fan base. To remind our listeners, who probably just switched over from, The Bachelor, our question is; why isn’t the sports world outraged with the LeBron James, “Decision Part II”? 2010 you won the coin toss so you get three chances to guess the right answer.
2010: “Well Steve we are going to go with he didn’t catch his teammates by surprise and leave them in shambles.”
Interesting choice, show me, “Didn’t catch them by surprise!”
Oh I’m sorry. The judges think he caught his entire team off guard, and the facts seem to support the case. We start with the point the Miami Heat traded two picks and cash considerations for point guard Shabazz Napier. The UConn graduate impressed the nation with his NCAA title run, but until LeBron James began campaigning for him on twitter he never seemed like an ideal candidate for Miami.
— LeBron James (@KingJames) April 8, 2014
Pick the scouting site of your choice because they all said the same thing; Napier is a point guard who can put the ball in the basket, but is physically a step behind, and sometimes has trouble making the right pass. The scoring sounds great, but the Heat didn’t need another offensive weapon. If they wanted a guard they should have focused on a physical guy who could have chased around the likes of Tony Parker and Derrick Rose. Instead they went out and grabbed the exact opposite because their star player wanted him.
I’ll give LeBron James the benefit of the doubt because perhaps at this point he was still leaning towards Miami. Plus the team’s initial pick, PJ Harrison, is facing charges of assault and battery for allegedly punching a rising high school basketball star. Let’s agree to disagree and move onto the next point.
When Dwayne Wade entered the 2014 off season he was looking at a two year 42 million dollar contract. That’s when Wade and Chris Bosh followed in the footsteps of LeBron James and opted out of their then current deals. It looked like Miami was poised to keep their core group together, and still have the money to bring in top level free agents. However, that plan quickly fell apart when James bolted for Cleveland. Chris Bosh was able to get a max deal, but the move cost Dwayne Wade 11 million dollars over the next two years. The 32 year old shooting guard is not strapped for cash, but something tells me he would not have been so generous if he had known how things would play out.
Alright 2010 NBA fan base guess again.
2010: “Well Steve let’s try it’s because he didn’t leave to form a super team”.
Show me, “Super Team.”
Another swing and a miss! It appears the judges are going off the rumors the Kevin Love trade is a matter of when not if. The reported trade has the big man going to Ohio in exchange for two number 1 picks, Andrew Wiggins and Anthony Bennett, and a future protected first rounder.
Don’t get me wrong, I (Kevin) love the trade if I am a Minnesota Timberwolves fan. You’re getting two potential super stars in exchange for a guy who made it clear he wasn’t sticking around. I’m just here to point out James left his team (again) in order to find a situation where he could hand pick an NBA star rather than working through the shortcomings of the current roster.
When LeBron James made his decision I thought we would see him build a contender from within. Instead we got more of the same. King James took one look around before piecing off the team’s assets to bring in the new, “Big Three”. Perhaps I’m being too critical of the two time NBA champion, but if you want to be compared to Michael Jordan I’m going to hold you to a higher standard. I’m not saying he shouldn’t make his team better, but do it the right way by developing the guys you have.
Well team that’s strike two. Let’s hear your final guess.
2010: “Ok Steve we are going to say it’s because he didn’t hold the league hostage and make a show of it.”
Ok… Show me, “hostages”!
(Side note: I am a HUGE Will Smith fan)
Sorry team that’s your third and final strike.
LeBron James’ made it clear he was seeking a max offer back on June 24th. James then took his sweet time waiting until July 11th to announce the, “Decision Part II”. During those two weeks the 4 time MVP toured multiple cities, and took a vacation while NBA free agency came to a standstill. It wasn’t as flashy as his TV special back in 2010, but can we at least agree it’s not hard to draw multiple comparisons? The story became national news, James used the feature to simply promote his own brand, and one city rejoiced while another was caught with its pants down.
So why are things different this time around? Could it simply be that NBA fans, and sports fans in general, just like Cleveland better? It’s clear LeBron James has grown both as a person and a player, but I’ not sure he has cleared that final hurdle just yet. Remember he only penned a two year contract in Cleveland so there is a possibility of the, “Decision Part III”. Everyone, including James, has said the move is strictly to cash in on the new TV deal, and I do believe him. However, just a month ago the entire NBA world also thought he was staying in Miami.
Whoah! Can we all step back and admire the stand that Jeanie Buss is taking here. Not drafting any Redskins to your fantasy team? Wow! There’s not enough reverence and respect available to shower someone who does something so selfless. Sure, she has enough cabbage in her checking account to scratch together a pay check for Kobe, but what the tribes on the reservations really need is someone with a bottomless pit of courage to refuse to let the likes of RGIII, a dude with the pocket presence of rodeo clown, occupy her #1 QB spot. F’n bold. It’s hard to find someone out there that would willfully pass on the opportunity to have Pierre Garcon occupying your only IR spot for all of two weeks. Never mind forgoing the excitement of having the great Roy Helu Jr. staying loose on the sidelines for when Alfred Morris dies in week 4 from trying to tippy toe through stacked boxes on 3rd downs.
I think Jeanie Buss is making it clear to us all that there are more important issues out there that are bigger than fantasy football success. All I can say is that this message has not been lost on me. I hereby resolve to not draft any Redskins on my fantasy team as well, and together, Jeanie and I will sleep better knowing that life on the reservation is better today than it was yesterday.
So it’s Shark Week again, that special time of year when you tune into The Discovery Channel in hopes of seeing some clown with a creepy accent get his leg bitten off. I’m with you guys, I am all for people with creepy accents being chomped to pieces. Shark Week is just like a NASCAR race, you are really only watching hoping for an accident (insert Tony Stewart joke here). Without the gore its boring and it’s been covered – big, little, flying, mechanical, hammer, tiger, prehistoric, cold blooded, pool and card sharks. Hell, they now have a God damn late night talk show “Shark Week Live” where some Troy McClure guy talks about his unnatural love of sharks. Unless your showing me live footage of Hooper riding Jaws while swallowing up that whale Khloe Khardasian on the Hamptons, I’ve kinda checked out.
What’s the next animal that should have its own week dedicated to nonstop coverage? How bout a modern day fucking Dinosaur unicorn that is covered in armor! I know what your thinking “I know nothing of this animal”? Ya no shit me neither. It’s the Rhinoceros you jack wagons. I do know how to escape bears, elephants,sharks, deer ticks, and Sasquatch but a rhino comes at me I’m more dead then Mrs. Doubtfire 2. A gun won’t do it, the thing is armor plated which is stronger then Robin Williams belt (over quota on suicide jokes?). You can try running away but the thing is faster then my brother through a 30 pack of Budweiser.
Rhinos get a bad rap too because we only see the old ones in the zoo, but the Rhinos in the bush are plotting away. Those mother-fuckers just sitting there talking to each other about the best way to spear a tourist is through the fanny pack. The only thing more awkward then running into a pissed off Rhino late at night is Thanksgiving Dinner after we have the “alcoholism is on both sides of the family” discussion at my parents. So think of the ways Shark Week has helped you avoid getting bitten, punch it in the nose, magnets, play dead, Tackleberrys .357 magnum, and remember none of those moves will help you when that modern day Dinosaur puts its horn right up your ass.
All Shark Week banter coming at ya over the next few days!
Stumbled across this one. Below is a relatively clever play on words utilizing the actual script of JAWS but replacing the word “shark” in any given line with “Jimmy Page“.
No disrespect to Led Zeppelin, but are you shitting me? Disappointing…like the prom and my actual life
“Understand you’re having a little Jimmy Page trouble.”
“Don’t know what that bastard Jimmy Page’s gonna do with it. Might eat it I suppose.”
“So, eleven hundred men went into the water, three hundred sixteen men come out. The Jimmy Page took the rest, June 29, 1945.”
“You see a barracuda, everyone says, ‘Huh? What?’ You yell ‘Jimmy Page,’ we’ve got a panic on our hands on the 4th of July.”
“Why don’t we have one more drink and go down there and cut that Jimmy Page open?”
“All this machine does is swim and eat and make little Jimmy Pages.”
“In recent days a cloud has appeared on the horizon at this beautiful resort community; a cloud in the shape of a killer Jimmy Page.”
“And the idea was, Jimmy Page comes to the nearest man, that man, he starts poundin’ and hollerin’ and screamin’, sometime’s the Jimmy Page go away, sometimes he wouldn’t go away. Sometime’s that Jimmy Page he looks right into ya, right into your eyes. And another thing about Jimmy Page. He’s got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, he doesn’t seem to be livin’. Until he bites you.”
“I’m not saying that this is not Jimmy Page. It probably is, Martin. It probably is.”
“You go inside the cage, cage goes into the water, you go in the water, Jimmy Page in the water; our Jimmy Page?”
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High hopes that were just not met…like the prom or my real life (damnit, this hurts when I really think about it).
Point being is I love this idea for a funny game (likely a drinking game) but couldn’t you have done better than “Jimmy Page”?
I have some submissions that I believe make this more clever….
Replace the word ‘shark(s)’ with….
– Clown
– Meth/Meth heads
– Midget
– Smurf
– Circus Freak
– NAZI
– Carson Daly
– Pubic Lice
Give it a shot.
What do you got? I know you can all do better as well?
BONUS FOOTAGE: JAWS in 30 seconds via cartoon bunnies, http://www.angryalien.com/0804/jawsbunnies.asp
Can I Be Frank & Crew? 