Bring on the Hate: 6 Reasons Why College Football is Better than the NFL

With the beloved football season in full swing, I took a moment to compare the virtues of college football versus the National Football League (aka, the ‘NFL’, in case you are having a terribly brain-farty day).  After further review, I have determined that….I can already feel the anger about to come my way….the COLLEGE game is better.

Now, hold on just a second before you get your Cleveland Browns panties twisted into a Cleveland Brown Steamer and let me explain the exception to this hypothesis.  Nothing – not a thing – is better than watching your hometown (lifelong) NFL team…especially when your team has dominated this millennium as our beloved Patriots have done. Tom Brady, Bill Belicheck and Bob Kraft (the Holy Trinity of pro football excellence) have given me more enjoyment and memories in the past 15 years than the birth, first word, first step, first day of school of my three childr...well, lets just say more enjoyment than most things in my life.

Put that fact aside and I’ll give you the rundown of why college is a greater fan football experience than the ‘average’ NFL one…

  1. School Pride/Alumni/History

Unlike the NFL fan, college programs have fans with a true connection tot he team.  They are students, alumni, that follow their school and their team no matter where they live. Forever.  Sally the Smoking-hot sophomore may actually know, have a class with  (or maybe even date/bang?) the starting stud QB from Alabama.  But I am quite certain that Tanya the tubby Taunton Town Clerk has never shared a moment with Rob Gronkowski (despite his erotic novel she likely  ‘Gronks off’ to in the off-season).  That’s a genuine connection versus one that is fabricated based solely on geography.

Which brings me to #2 right out of the gate…

2.  College Co-Eds vs Wish You Had No-Heads

Every major college stadium is loaded with more hot broads than they are with substandard SAT scores.  The SEC, Big Ten, PAC Ten, ACC….every conference is stuffed with more honies than Winnie the Pooh’s 401k.  Packs of Playboy-esque girls, scantily clad and making Mom and Dad proud during every nationally televised week of action…

…like this

this…

and this…

The average NFL stadium is the opposite, by and large, for a number of reasons.  Most of the big NFL markets – New England, Green Bay, Chicago, Buffalo, Philadelphia – also happen to be in cold weather climates, so come Halloween, it gets scary in those stands full of Tanyas.

How about the fact that age average is going to be higher?  That’s a fact.

How about the cost of attending a game is far more?  $30 at a college game gets you a ticket, a 12 pack of Busch Light and a hot dog.  $30 at the NFL gets one of your asscheeks through the turnstile.  Maybe.

3.  Saturday vs Sunday

Yes, the football week has expanded, especially over recent years, but by and large college teams play on Saturdays and the Pros play on Sundays.  Anyone who votes Sunday > Saturday is either a liar, doesn’t work Mondays or is a liar.  This is simple chapter and verse logic.

4.  ESPN College Vs ESPN NFL

(disclaimer, I have come to hate ESPN as a whole but…)

When you rollover on a Sunday morning feeling guilty about missing mass, hungover, wishing you didn’t have to even think about Monday and just have the general disposition of prison bathroom janitor, you have to listen to this bloated, repetitive, needs-new-material, needs-to-retire bastard’s mug in your face

or. kickoff the Saturday morning on College Gameday with this magnificent son of a bitch!

5. And Just a few more reasons to pile on why College Football is Better than the NFL…

More teams.  

More games.  

More upsets.  

More Cinderella stories.  

Better tailgates.  

Better/Older Rivalries, 

Pageantry, 

Mascots, 

Bands, and 

TRADITIONS.

Oh yeah, and its FREAKING COLLEGE, dude!

Lastly…

6.  I’m Sorry Tom Brady

You’re still  the G.O.A.T. , brother!

Who Is Jonas Gray?

If you were watching last night’s game between the New England Patriots and the Indianapolis Colts you learned; A) The Patriots will always be really good as long as they have that Brady Belichick combo (but chances are you already knew that like many of us Patriots haters do), and B) there is now a guy in the NFL named Jonas Gray.

(I love this gif)

Brady

So who is Jonas Gray? Well with the internet at your fingertips you can figure that out quite quickly.  Gray is a Notre Dame alum who got his NFL start with my Miami Dolphins. Side note; How do the Patriots keep turning our throw away players into stars?!- If you aren’t a scorned Miami fan you might have forgotten Wes Welker was originally a Dolphin! (deep breaths Austin deep breaths).

Anyway Gray then spent 2013 on the practice squad with the Baltimore Ravens before signing on New England’s practice squad for the 2014 season. On October 16th he got called up when Stevan Ridley went down with an injury (remember when he was going to be the next big thing). During those three weeks the 24 year old rushed for 131 yards on 32 attempts with no touch downs. That averages out to around four yards per carry which is very respectable even if it’s such a small sample size. To put things into perspective your leading rusher, Demarco Murray, averages around 5 yards every time he touches the ball.

Gray then decided he would have his breakout performance on national television for the whole football world to see. If you missed the game just google the highlights; this Michigan native ran for almost 200 yards and a franchise record four touchdowns. DAM! And that was against a Colts defense that has it flaws, but is right in the middle when it comes to stopping the run.

And the good news continues if you are a Patriots fan. Not that you need any more good news. You’re like that kid who already comes from money, got a perfect score on their SATs and then during their freshman year at Harvard they find out they can throw 95 mph and now they are on the MLB draft boards. Gray may have only played in four games but his two best performances came against teams you WILL see in the playoffs- the Colts and the Broncos.

The position of running back can be compared to a bullpen in baseball. You need one to win, but sometimes there is no rhyme or reason as to why things work. Some teams have a natural born killer in the backfield; the Seahawks have Marshawn Lynch just like the Yankees had Mariano Rivera.  However, most treat the position as a revolving door and hope they can catch fire when it matters most. That’s how it usually works in baseball too; closers can be untouchable one year and then fall into oblivion the next (yea I’m looking at you Boston and still trying to figure out how we didn’t unload Koji Uehara).

Koji

That being said I wish Gray a long career because news flash- playing in the NFL is really hard. Just know this Mr. Gray you will now make myself (and countless other non-Patriot supporters) want to pull our hair out as we watch this team of “scrubs” cruise to the AFC championship (and yes I hope that jinxes it).