With the beloved football season in full swing, I took a moment to compare the virtues of college football versus the National Football League (aka, the ‘NFL’, in case you are having a terribly brain-farty day). After further review, I have determined that….I can already feel the anger about to come my way….the COLLEGE game is better.
Now, hold on just a second before you get your Cleveland Browns panties twisted into a Cleveland Brown Steamer and let me explain the exception to this hypothesis. Nothing – not a thing – is better than watching your hometown (lifelong) NFL team…especially when your team has dominated this millennium as our beloved Patriots have done. Tom Brady, Bill Belicheck and Bob Kraft (the Holy Trinity of pro football excellence) have given me more enjoyment and memories in the past 15 years than
the birth, first word, first step, first day of school of my three childr...well, lets just say more enjoyment than most things in my life.
Put that fact aside and I’ll give you the rundown of why college is a greater fan football experience than the ‘average’ NFL one…
- School Pride/Alumni/History
Unlike the NFL fan, college programs have fans with a true connection tot he team. They are students, alumni, that follow their school and their team no matter where they live. Forever. Sally the Smoking-hot sophomore may actually know, have a class with (or maybe even date/bang?) the starting stud QB from Alabama. But I am quite certain that Tanya the tubby Taunton Town Clerk has never shared a moment with Rob Gronkowski (despite his erotic novel she likely ‘Gronks off’ to in the off-season). That’s a genuine connection versus one that is fabricated based solely on geography.
Which brings me to #2 right out of the gate…
2. College Co-Eds vs Wish You Had No-Heads
Every major college stadium is loaded with more hot broads than they are with substandard SAT scores. The SEC, Big Ten, PAC Ten, ACC….every conference is stuffed with more honies than Winnie the Pooh’s 401k. Packs of Playboy-esque girls, scantily clad and making Mom and Dad proud during every nationally televised week of action…
The average NFL stadium is the opposite, by and large, for a number of reasons. Most of the big NFL markets – New England, Green Bay, Chicago, Buffalo, Philadelphia – also happen to be in cold weather climates, so come Halloween, it gets scary in those stands full of Tanyas.
How about the fact that age average is going to be higher? That’s a fact.
How about the cost of attending a game is far more? $30 at a college game gets you a ticket, a 12 pack of Busch Light and a hot dog. $30 at the NFL gets one of your asscheeks through the turnstile. Maybe.
3. Saturday vs Sunday
Yes, the football week has expanded, especially over recent years, but by and large college teams play on Saturdays and the Pros play on Sundays. Anyone who votes Sunday > Saturday is either a liar, doesn’t work Mondays or is a liar. This is simple chapter and verse logic.
4. ESPN College Vs ESPN NFL
(disclaimer, I have come to hate ESPN as a whole but…)
When you rollover on a Sunday morning feeling guilty about missing mass, hungover, wishing you didn’t have to even think about Monday and just have the general disposition of prison bathroom janitor, you have to listen to this bloated, repetitive, needs-new-material, needs-to-retire bastard’s mug in your face
or. kickoff the Saturday morning on College Gameday with this magnificent son of a bitch!
5. And Just a few more reasons to pile on why College Football is Better than the NFL…
More Cinderella stories.
Oh yeah, and its FREAKING COLLEGE, dude!
6. I’m Sorry Tom Brady
You’re still the G.O.A.T. , brother!