Ah, May. ‘Tis the season for weddings, baby showers, and graduations. All of which I have attended these past few weeks. Cookouts, allergies, and gifts galore. As a single woman, this is really adding up. Before this sounds like a cliche ‘Sex in the City’ pity post, let me just say this; I’m up to my ears with getting everyone else a gift. I think it’s about time to celebrate the people who were smart enough in life to make the true intelligent life decisions.
-Degree? I don’t need no stinkin’ degree! I spent a year and a half “following my passions” of literature and journalism only to realize that I was spending 60 hours a week PAYING to read and write in order to achieve a piece of paper. Kudos to you kiddos who actually DID graduate, and have a goal in mind, but lets be honest. I would’ve spent $80k and still have ended up as a Realtor. Why hasn’t anyone thrown me a drop-out of college party????
– Weddings. This is usually a quadruple expense. Engagement party. Bridal Shower. Bachelor/ette Party. Wedding gift. That’s 4 outfits, too! No one has ever spent that much time celebrating me! Now, regardless of the fact that I was 3 months away to getting hitched- No one ever said “THANK YOU for saving us from all these crazy expenses. And hey- pretty smart of you to realize you didn’t want a divorce in a year.”
– Baby Showers. The best part of baby showers these days is that they’re co-ed now. Now you jerk dudes get to see what we’ve been suffering through for all these years sitting through someone opening up gifts one by one and ogling at the doll clothes and toys that don’t even make sounds or light up. Thank God for gift registries or every kid that I had to go to a baby shower for would get a Barbie doll or Beanie baby. Who even knows what kids are into these days. I haven’t made any of my friends deal with the boredom that is a baby shower, and NO ONE thanks me for that. No one has ever said “Hey- smart move on not pro-creating. Here’s a box of wine.”
I almost feel like all of us single adults need to have our own annual Jack and Jill style party. “OMG Leah’s single and needs money to go to the casino this weekend!! Lets have a party and sell raffle tickets to make her some dough!! She kicked ass this year in work, and hasn’t dragged us to her kids 3rd birthday party or her 2nd wedding!”
But we all know the facts of life. We’ll never solve world hunger, and there’s no spotlight on single 30-something cat ladies. So for now I will just continue be the pleasant spectator with a slight buzz at all these events
Can I Be Frank & Crew? 