Month: May 2015

Can I Be Frank, Frank McCabe

Now, this is how you Memorial Day

 

 

 

 

 

@LowellSun

Lowell Sun News  – Billerica police say a 54-year-old Billerica woman racked up back-to-back drunken-driving arrests over two days, less than 24 hours apart, driving along the same area of Boston Road in the same car this weekend.

In Lowell District Court on Tuesday, Valerie Feuerstein, of 16 Meadowbank Road, had bail set at $5,000 cash after pleading in two cases to: operating under the influence of alcohol (two counts), marked lanes violation, and operating a motor vehicle with a license suspended for drunken driving.

Billerica police note that Feuerstein has a history of driving violations, mostly for speeding, that date back to 1982.

In court, prosecutor Christopher Minue said that on Saturday Billerica police responded to Boston Road for a report of a suspected drunken driver in a black Chevy Camaro. Policearrested Feuerstein, who refused a Breathalyzer test, and charged her with drunken driving.

She was released from the police station.

At around that at around 8 p.m. on Sunday, a Billerica police officer was driving along Concord Road when he spotted the same black Chevy Camaro being driven erratically. After turning around to stop the Camaro, the officer found the car parked in front of Georgio’s Liquors at 446 Boston Road, according to court documents.

The officer waited for Feuerstein, the driver, to exit the liquor store and get behind the wheel of the Camaro, police say.

The officer followed the Camaro as it turned onto Boston Road watching as half the vehicle was driving in the breakdown lane, police allege. The car was pulled over.

Police noted that Feuerstein, who smelled of alcohol, appeared confused and was unsteady on her feet. She allegedly failed the field sobriety tests. Handcuffed and sitting in the back of the cruiser, Feuerstein continued to try to recite the alphabet, one of the field sobriety tests, police allege.

In court, Feuerstein’s attorney told Judge Thomas Brennan that his client has had a series of issues in her life, including a recent divorce, a broken arm, seizures, and depression because her son went away for the weekend. Feuerstein was sleep-deprived and confused at the time of her arrests, the attorney said.

Minue argued that Feuerstein poses a danger with back-to-back drunken-driving arrests less than 24 hours apart.

In addition to the cash bail, Brennan told Feuerstein that if she posts bail she is prohibited from drinking and cannot drive. She must also submit to random alcohol screens. A pretrial conference is scheduled for July 8.

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Meet 54 year old Valerie Feuerstein.  Well Val, I have to respect your love of the D and D-ing game.  Picked up twice in 24 hours?  That’s some serious work and dedication.

I think I like a lot of things about this boozy broad and her whole wild weekend story in general…

  • Basically, she returns to same scene of crime from hours earlier.  How’s that for a little double barrel middle fingers to the BPD.  Come get me, pigs .  I aint hiding!
  • Black Chevy Camaro (clapping).  How many ways to say you are awesome?  This says it all.  Not sure ANYONE who has EVER owned a Camaro has EVER driven it sober.  Its practically entrapment when you drive off the lot with that bad boy.
  • “Hey that looks like the cops right behind me again?  Shit.  What to do?  What to do?  I got it!  I’ll go see my steady BAE Georgio for a quick 6 of Schlitz and a few nips of Fleischmans.  That will get them off my trail.  Perfect.  Bwahahaha.”
  • How about her excuses for why she needed to get behind the wheel shithammered?  Outstanding.
  • “Recent divorce” – yeah join the other 50% of ‘Murica.
  • “Broken Arm” that one didnt even work for Rodney Dangerfield .

  • “Seizures”  Those are callled the DT shakes, Miss When a Man Loves  A Woman
  • “Depression from her son (who is likely 40 by my math on the average age of Billerica child-bearers) going away fo the weekend.  You were depressed, Kitty Dukakis, cause Sonny Boy couldn’t cart your drunk ass back and forth to Georgio’s while he sat at MAC’S TWO wishing he could move out of your basement and contemplating suicide by stripper.

So anyway, Val, you made a lot of Veterans proud with this complete lack of regard for your fellow motorists over the long weekend.  Oops, did I say ‘Veterans’?  I meant ‘No One’.

We’ll see if you can top yourself come 4th of July!  Maybe the elusive drunk driving holiday weekend hat trick is achievable?

Burkie

Let’s Hear It For the Girl


Ah, May. ‘Tis the season for weddings, baby showers, and graduations. All of which I have attended these past few weeks. Cookouts, allergies, and gifts galore. As a single woman, this is really adding up. Before this sounds like a cliche ‘Sex in the City’ pity post, let me just say this; I’m up to my ears with getting everyone else a gift. I think it’s about time to celebrate the people who were smart enough in life to make the true intelligent life decisions.

-Degree? I don’t need no stinkin’ degree! I spent a year and a half “following my passions” of literature and journalism only to realize that I was spending 60 hours a week PAYING to read and write in order to achieve a piece of paper. Kudos to you kiddos who actually DID graduate, and have a goal in mind, but lets be honest. I would’ve spent $80k and still have ended up as a Realtor.  Why hasn’t anyone thrown me a drop-out of college party????

– Weddings. This is usually a quadruple expense. Engagement party. Bridal Shower. Bachelor/ette Party. Wedding gift. That’s 4 outfits, too! No one has ever spent that much time celebrating me! Now, regardless of the fact that I was 3 months away to getting hitched- No one ever said “THANK YOU for saving us from all these crazy expenses. And hey- pretty smart of you to realize you didn’t want a divorce in a year.”

– Baby Showers. The best part of baby showers these days is that they’re co-ed now. Now you jerk dudes get to see what we’ve been suffering through for all these years sitting through someone opening up gifts one by one and ogling at the doll clothes and toys that don’t even make sounds or light up. Thank God for gift registries or every kid that I had to go to a baby shower for would get a Barbie doll or Beanie baby. Who even knows what kids are into these days. I haven’t made any of my friends deal with the boredom that is a baby shower, and NO ONE thanks me for that. No one has ever said “Hey- smart move on not pro-creating. Here’s a box of wine.”

I almost feel like all of us single adults need to have our own annual Jack and Jill style party. “OMG Leah’s single and needs money to go to the casino this weekend!! Lets have a party and sell raffle tickets to make her some dough!! She kicked ass this year in work, and hasn’t dragged us to her kids 3rd birthday party or her 2nd wedding!”

But we all know the facts of life. We’ll never solve world hunger, and there’s no spotlight on single 30-something cat ladies. So for now I will just continue be the pleasant spectator with a slight buzz at all these events

Anger, Can I Be Frank, Frank McCabe, Uncategorized

Why am I so pissed off this week?

Not sure what has a hold of me this week, but I am just angry.  Could be the pollen count is like 9 million (I dont even know if thats possible so piss off…I am not Harvey Fucking Leonard!  See what I mean?).  Could be that our entire region’s “boyfriend” Touchdown Tommy is being unfairly punished and criticized.  Could be I just hate everyone.  Yes, you too.

Whatever the case I decided the most therapeutic way – except for exercise, alcohol {I am lying, thats always part of my regiment}, yoga or talk therapy –  to deal with this unforeseen steam is to expunge the demons with this blog.  Identify each and everything that annoyed the shit out of me in recent days and let it out, drop the blood pressure to acceptably high range and allow me to move on living a life of religious and spiritual harmony.

Namaste.

Nope – that shit is stupid and I still dont’ feel any better….on to the Airing of Grievances

While I can not pinpoint one major thing….I have a list of several little ones for sure

Ted Wells.  Your 243 page report on Deflategate is flawed and biased, jack wagon.  Your mustache looks like the work of a 3 year old child with a Sharpie.  You, sir, suck.  Here is a quick  excerpt from the 1 Page McCabe Report: Fuck you.

 

  • The Match.com guy.  “Excuse me, Mr Level 3 Sex Offender, do I know you?   You are creeping out Manhattan, chief.  Can you back the hell off and give me some personal space?  If I ever decided to use a dating site/rape invitation service, you just gave me the final reason why I won’t.  Get back to the bushes with your binoculars, dbag.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • This guy.  This is Matt.  Matt is my brother-in-law.  In truth, he is (or was) one of the all-time greats as far as BILs are considered… UNTIL recently.  Matt was always 1st in line for a good time and excessive indulgance – food, booze, TV watching, laziness, whatever – and the ultimate fat Dad wingman for yours truly.  However, in recent weeks Matt turned his back on me and our whole way of life.  Matt started dieting, exercising, drinking less (sorta).  But this week Matt crossed the line.  He went to one of the premiere steak houses in the country and ordered….wait for it…..sea bass.  Effing Sea Bass!  Right?  Enough said.  Go to Vegan hell Matt.  I hate you.

  • Passwords.  Why does every Goddamn thing is this cyber-secure earth require a password!?  I could not remember one this week and I absolutely blew a gasket.  Screaming at an inanimate object like it was going to answer me.  Is it my kids birthdays? Is it our dead fish’s name?  Is it ‘Nipple’?  Nope.  Never got it figured out and I am still off the reservation about it.

 

  • My Son.  What?  Why?  Who?  How could you possibly?  Outrage!  Yeah, well Jr turns 12 this week and without getting graphic, I actually think he has surpassed me in the ‘manhood’ department if you know what I mean?  We were ‘crossing the streams’ the other morning and well….too painful to continue.  (not so) Little bastard.

 

Boston Sports.  Nothing but bad news around these parts right now.  Besides TB12 getting emasculated by the media; the Sox suck, the Celts and Bruins are on the golf course during playoff season.  Nothing to watch this week.  I actaully tuned in to the freakin NY Ranger game last night.  Lord, forgive me.

I am sure there is a whole bunch of other things the world did to me to bring out the Flabby Hulk but I think this little rant has done the trick to quell my rage.  Well, no not really.  Still kinda want to kick some stuff.