And the big winners are… Pedophiles and Lawyers!

van

That’s me on my most recent visit to the Boston Children’s museum sporting my “I could possibly be a Sexual Predator” badge, which is required for any dude that shows up without a kid. (What? Why should you need kids to enjoy the children’s museum?)

After work on Friday, I rolled over to Fort Point Channel to meet up with the fam and was greeted by a wall of suspicion at the front door. After turning over my driver’s license, social security card, urine sample, and no less than 5 character references, I was allowed to proceed…as long as I complied with their request to wear that snazzy badge. And why the badge you ask, since they already have enough personal data to empty my checking account? Because a group of Lawyers felt the best way to absolve the Children’s Museum in the event that a kid gets snatched is to have regular guys like myself walk around the place wearing badges, getting eyeball lasers from mom’s worrying that I’m going to drop a digit on their kid. Brilliant stuff. And I get it, we’re living in a different world, and these are things you have to deal with. Well, fine. Then would it be too much to ask for a smile, and a “thank you for not raping a kid today” when retrieving my ten forms of identification?

Focused Anger

ford focus

How do you put an exclamation point on a vacation? Well, on your way to work you realize that your sweet 2005 Ford Focus had been stolen. Sure who doesn’t want a Focus? I’ve seen the commercials and heard the rappers bragging about owning one. To steal a $2500 car because you can’t afford one is just plain wrong. I know how it was stolen too, a team of hip hop loving ninjas repelled down from my roof while Nic Cage popped my starter. I see it now, Cage or some junkie flying down the street at 45 mph blaring my frozen soundtrack thinking he owned the world. Well good luck bub, the inspection sticker is expired and the mufflers busted Hahahaha. So before you try to pawn it for 2 oxys here’s some info you need to know. The dead hooker in the trunk was there when I bought it, those Rascal Flatts CDs were a gift, and the Mexican Boom Boom under the seat is only for show, it’s flower. Hey junkie can you do me one small favor? After you run out of pills and steal again, can you step it up to the needle! You get way more for your dollar. Then hopefully you pass out on the train tracks behind Molly Kay’s just as a cargo train carrying my new Honda Fit splits you in two. Thanks Dick!!

Back in Business!

frank the tank

Welcome back (or just plain welcome) to all! The new and improved Can I Be Frank? website has arrived (I am sure you have been on the edge of your seats!) In any case, I am very happy to launch the new site and offer an all encompassing package of my nonsense. You will notice that in addition to the blog, we have added a few other pages for your entertainment. Most exciting is I have recruited some very funny people to contribute and provide their insights and humor on a total wide range of topics. Some of these people are using their real names…others using aliases because they don’t want you to know how weird they are. We will continue to add bells and whistles but we anticipate that this site will be full of fresh updates and news on a daily (maybe semi-daily, depending when our nap time occurs) basis.

Thank you for checking in and we hope you visit often.

Be sure to ‘like’ us on Facebook (look, click right over there —>!) and follow me and my “Crew” on Twitter!

Enjoy!
-Frank