Back to School: See ya suckas!

” Bloody lips and cherry wine
Moonshine in your hair
Just keep staring at the sun
Pray for summer’s end”
– Foo Fighters

Christmas?  Pretty good.

Birthday? It’s OK.

Thanksgiving?  Getting warmer.

No, the best day of the year is Back to School Day!

High Fives all around, TB!!!

That glorious September morning when we usher off our little cherubs to annoy a new pack of adults for 6 hours per day.  Many Moms and Dads wax sadly about the end of summer and all the fun and great times they had with their kids during their warm weather hitus from their pencils and books.  With all due respect; piss off people.  I’ll offer up the gratuitous “I love my kids more than anything” blah blah blah crap so none of you dinks call DSS on me, but if I am being truthful (as all you parents should be about this subject), back to school day is. just. awesome.

Not sure about you, but by the dog days of summer, my kids are in need of the structure of school, the discipline of homework and simply just need to be the hell away from us.

To my teacher friends, thank you.  You are doing God’s work.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to freshen up my wife’s Manhattan.

See ya suckas, don’t forget your lunch boxes!

And the big winners are… Pedophiles and Lawyers!

van

That’s me on my most recent visit to the Boston Children’s museum sporting my “I could possibly be a Sexual Predator” badge, which is required for any dude that shows up without a kid. (What? Why should you need kids to enjoy the children’s museum?)

After work on Friday, I rolled over to Fort Point Channel to meet up with the fam and was greeted by a wall of suspicion at the front door. After turning over my driver’s license, social security card, urine sample, and no less than 5 character references, I was allowed to proceed…as long as I complied with their request to wear that snazzy badge. And why the badge you ask, since they already have enough personal data to empty my checking account? Because a group of Lawyers felt the best way to absolve the Children’s Museum in the event that a kid gets snatched is to have regular guys like myself walk around the place wearing badges, getting eyeball lasers from mom’s worrying that I’m going to drop a digit on their kid. Brilliant stuff. And I get it, we’re living in a different world, and these are things you have to deal with. Well, fine. Then would it be too much to ask for a smile, and a “thank you for not raping a kid today” when retrieving my ten forms of identification?