And so as we close out half of this decade (am I the only one that thinks 1999 was like 3 years ago?) this evening, I thought I would offer a basic and easy-to-understand overview of the Presidential election landscape. Politics is really not my thing – at all – but is this not the most bizarre field of candidates you have seen? It’s more like a reality show than a run for the White House.
Anyway, here is a simple chapter and verse rundown of our future leader….
HILLARY CLINTON
Supporting Hillary is like supporting that stay-at-home, overbearing, bitchy PTO mom everyone hates but no one will say it even though she will ultimately screw you over and give half of those brownies you made away to the lunch lady for free at the annual bake sale.
BERNIE SANDERS
Supporting Bernie Sanders is like recreating Back to the Future. Doc Brown (Sanders) convinces naive Marty McFly (the American people) that stealing plutonium from Libyans in the name of scientific advancement could cost you your life. What does that mean? I don’t know either, but this guy is moon bat, shithouse crazy and needs a straight jacket.
DONALD TRUMP
Supporting Trump is basically sucking up to that snotty, pushy rich kid that had all the best toys, game and parties but you don’t really like him and he will inevitably screw you and everyone else over if given the chance. HUGE!
JEB BUSH
Supporting Jeb Bush is the equivalent of becoming buddies with the head coach’s son cause you know you will make the team and get some varsity action. Just go along with what Daddy says and everything will be fine for you even if the rest of the team suffers.
CHRIS CHRISTIE
Supporting Chris Christie is like supporting pizza. Always seems like a good idea til you eat the whole fucking thing alone and now find yourself filled with regret (not to mention pizza)
AND….
As for the rest of the field….might as well flip a fricken’ coin. Who “sucks less” in this race is what we have on our hands.
Insightful, I know.
Vote your conscience because logic and reason won’t help you in November.
USA!! USA!! USA!!
HAPPY 2016!
Good night and God Bless, suckas!
Can I Be Frank & Crew? 