Since I’m being constantly bombarded by all my fans (…. Is anyone even reading this???) during the holiday season to know what to get for the “it girl” who just has everything, I figured I would step up to the plate and share my Xmas wish list. Who better to help shop for your mom, girlfriend, nana, etc than me!? So without any further ado, I present to you Burkie’s Best Buys for Xmas 2015:
1: Golden Girls granny panties
women of all ages love the golden girls. It’s one thing we can all agree on. The shenanigans those old biddies get into just get me into stitches. What else do we love? A pair of giant undies to wear when we’re home watching a GG DVR marathon. Feeling a little frisky? Wear your Blanche bloomers!
2: Anything from the Meowington website.
Just spend 5 minutes and revel in the cat jewelry and clothing being offered on this website. Not to mention the cozy cat pillows ideal for snuggling with your 4-legged BFF while knitting a blanket.
3: Poo pourri.
Seriously this is brilliant, and everyone should know/have/use this. Tis the season for numerous holiday parties and loads of great food. Who wants to stink the office bathroom after a massive scallop-and-bacon binge?? (Unless of course, it’s a unisex bathroom, which you can blame IBS Gary for) Poopourri to the rescue. Fits in your purse too!
4: Cat costumes!!
Nothing gets me more giddy than seeing a cat in clothing. Cuteness overload!!! Make sure to send tons of snapchats to everyone in your contact list.
5: Hidden flask mittens.
Anyone who’s anyone (okay, anyone who’s a drunk) will have these on their wish list! Perfect for nips of peppermint schnapps at the stupid Santa parade that’s been a family tradition since you were in a stroller, or for a brisk day leaving the job and don’t feel like sitting on the train home listening to someone else’s phone conversation while stone cold sober. I’ve been told this is a personal favorite of @pistoffirishman who has been seen wearing these while sitting on the family couch.
6: Boyfriend pillow.
Feeling lonely? Need a cuddle? Look no further. Formerly a favorite of Jennifer Anniston’s when she had her 10 year dry spell, now all women everywhere are catching on to the trend and cuddling up to the perfect man. Handsome and silent, God bless.
7: Wine bag,
For the classiest woman at the back corner of the work/family Xmas party. For those tired of socializing with the snobs at who pretend they know anything about what region or vintage their overpriced wine comes from, grab this and the tray of scallops wrapped in bacon (make sure you have your pooporri) and have yourself a merry little tipsy Christmas. No one will even know you swapped your Coach bag for this classy arm candy.
8: Emoji keyboard.
How mad do you get while writing an email to a coworker and being forced to do the ancient “J” as a smiley face or the totally uncool “:-(” frowny face. Give ’em the ole 💯💯💯💯💯 with this keyboard.
9: Lotus Cat Furniture
For the “refined feline” as the site says, Lotus cat furniture will add sleek style to your over hoarded cat hair covered one bedroom apartment. Impress the pizza delivery guy with your home decorating skills!
10: I Robot vacuum.
This is a multi use gift. Cleans cat hair, plusssss you can put your kitten on it while wearing it’s new costume and you have minutes of pure cat-blissed entertainment.
11: Ugg slippers.
Not only does our Lord and Savior Tom Brady endorse these cloud-like foot pillows, but they’re great for indoors AND outdoors. Perfect for trekking the kitty litter to the trash barrel outside.
12: Brookstone Personal massager.
The worst part of living alone or with a cat is that they simply just can’t reach those hard to scratch urges itches. Just turn this sucker on and you’ll feel … Soo…. Relaxed…. Like…. Really relaxed ……….. Catch my drift, pervvies?
So there you have it. A Christmas wish list that covers all your bases and, might I add, some pretty darn clever items too at that. The best part? You can buy all this crap online!!! Never leave your apartment again my lazy friends! Til next time,
Kisses and cat hair,
Burkie
Can I Be Frank & Crew? 