Two and a Half Years til AIDS

The man, the myth, the legend has come down with “the BUG”. Let’s put this news into perspective. Who didn’t think Charlie Sheen had HIV? I mean, of course he did! He has had more hookers then I have had Miller Lites, and last time I checked that’s a shit load. You don’t think one of those wonderful ladies of the night may have been carrying a ‘little friend’ with her?  Let’s not act like this guy has any trouble fitting his angel wings through the door. Little Chuckie has been living life like Motley Crüe since Platoon was at Route 3 cinema. I have, on good authority, confirmed that all of the following statements were said by Charlie Sheen since he found out he has HIV

  •   Listen babe, Charlie Sheen has HIV, I’m Carlos Estevez
  •   I told Cosby that chick looked skanky
  •   With HIV, PTSD, ADD and SARS I would like to solve the puzzle, Pat
  •   I probably got it from fucking Dorns wife
  •   When Magic asks you to be blood brothers you do it!!!
  •   My mom always said that the 7,000th hooker would be trouble
  •   Rickey Vaughn put the AIDS in ‘Rolaids relief pitcher’
  •   The guy at the petting zoo told me that donkey was clean
  •    Jesus, Doc, you scared me.  It’s only HIV.  Phew!  I thought it was something serious like crabs
  •   This is God getting back at me for Major League 2
  •   A little Robitussin, a shit load of cocaine and I’ll be back in business

  •    I think I won STD Bingo
  •    I talked to Michael J. and our new crime fighting show “Shakey and the BUG  Save New York” will be HUGE
  •   I’m rich, man, it’s cool
  •  I’m still WINNING

You will be fine Charlie. Just keep your head up and remember this old Irish proverb my Grandmother used to tell me…

Blowing cocaine and banging hookers all day long will eventually ruin your #1 sitcom, make people forget Wall Street and Platoon and give you AIDS.”

That lady sure had lot of wisdom.

 

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