THIS JUST IN: The Patriots are ACTUAL Superheroes

Vince Wilfork pulls woman from overturned SUV

(Associated Press)
As he drove home from the AFC Championship Game, Patriots defensive tackle Vince Wilfork came upon an overturned SUV, and he’s now being praised by the state police for coming to assistance.


According to the Massachusetts State Police, when troopers responded to a call about the overturned SUV, they found that Wilfork was already there, standing beside the vehicle and asking the driver if she was OK.

The driver wasn’t able to get out, so a trooper held the driver’s side door open while Wilfork reached in and pulled her out. The troopers thanked him for their assistance and said they’d take it from there, so he went on his way home.

The woman Wilfork pulled to safety was charged with operating under the influence of alcohol and negligent operation of a motor vehicle.


So, let me get this all straight in my head because, to be honest, I am shaking off the cobwebs (and by ‘cobwebs I mean ’16 Bud Lights’) from last night’s Patriots’ AFC Championship winning effort; Vince Wilfork helped save a broad…on his ride home?  So basically, the big fella played in almost every defensive snap as he and the Hometown 11 beat the living horseshoes off the highly outmatched Indianapolis Colts 45-7, and then decided to play Superman on the ride home?

While I have never played defensive line at the professional football level (mostly because of disciplinary issues, mind you) I have to believe your body is a bit tired and sore after rubbing against other 900 lb dudes for 3 hours in the rain?  No?  Maybe I am a pussy, but Vinny is pretty awe inspiring and a fan favorite.  And now….

Picture this; you just won one of the biggest games of your pro football career.  You are headed to the Super Bowl (again, yawn).  All you want to do is crush that XXXL steak and cheese sitting on your lap and get home for a much deserved massage from your old lady, when all of a sudden he thinks…

“Ah, shit, another dumb ass honkey Pats fan got shit hammered and flipped their car while texting their friends ‘Superbowl, baby!  LOL!  OMG! BLAH BLAH BLAH (CRASH).  Big Vin to the rescue “

What’s a Pro Bowler to do?  Another day in the life of a Patriot.

VW (ironically, he has the same initials as a car he weighs MORE than) pulls over, puts the sandwich on the passenger’s seat and saves the day.

What do you think that big-mouthed Lil John look-alike Seattle Seahawk Richard Sherman did on his way home?

Probably tightened his braids, tweeted some trash talk and grabbed a gold tooth at the Jerk Store?  YEAHHHH!

That’s why, Seattle, you should be starting to form that proverbial dump in your rain-soaked pants right about now.  This is not Indy or Denver converging on Glendale, AZ in 13 days…this is the New England Effin Patriots.  6 SuperBowls with the Hall of Fame Sunday brunch combo of Brady and Belicheck coming at ya…full speed.

I hope that handsome playboy, Pete Carroll, has more than high 5s and a loose stance on morals to back you all up.  Loud talk, gold cleats and the Space Needle won’t help you here.  Your ’12th man’ will be back at home wishing they lived in some other American geography and mumbling about Steve Largent.

Here we come and we are packing Super Heroes for the Super Bowl.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s