Can I Be Frank & Crew?

Lil’ Miss Ponytail Ariana Grande has an, ahem, enthusiastic fan from Massachusetts: a 29-year-old man named Tim Normandin. Tim sent Ariana a 42.5-pound pumpkin for Halloween. Ariana sent Tim the cops.
According to TMZ, “police in Lowell, MA paid a visit to the home of 29-year-old Tim Normandin after Ariana’s record label complained the guy was sending Ariana a slew of packages.” The list of gifts shows that Tim has no problem clearing out the frickin’ mall—in addition to the pumpkin, he’s sent:

• Eight (8) Yankee candles
• a 3-piece mirror set from Kmart
• a $200 anklet from Kay Jewelers
• a rock from the White Mountains of New Hampshire
• AND
• an unspecified number of dog and cat calendars

Cops told Tim that he’ll face criminal harassment charges if he doesn’t stop sending Ari all this crap. Tim says he’s not gonna stop sending her all this crap.

Hey Ariana Grande, how about showing a little appreciation for the gesture? Out of all the guys in Lowell that could bestow gifts upon you, you got the most romantic dude among us. Yankee Candles, 45 pound pumpkins, non-edible jewelry from Kay Jewelers…what an embarrassment of riches. The #2 ranked “most romantic guy in the city” is my buddy Dunny, and he makes his wife bring, and carry her own cooler when they go on dinner dates to Browns.

So let’s tap the brakes on the whole calling the cops thing and maybe acknowledge the effort. If not for the reputation of young Timmy Normandin, how about doing it for the little elves that stuff all that magic into the Balsam & Cedar and Mulling Spices tumblers, out at the Yankee Candle Factory. Or the exhausted guy at FedEx that had to lug that dumb f’n pumpkin across the country just so you could let it rot on the door step. Or the greatest jewelry salesman ever to walk this planet over at Kay Jewelers that must have sold his soul to convince a guy to buy the first “anklet” since Service Merchandise folded their tent. As far I am concerned, your rejection of Timmy is a rejection of us all, and I won’t stand for it. Fahhhhk You!

Austin Fontanella, Sports

An Awesome Gift for One of our Nation’s Heroes

This is a story I did about retried Sgt. Rick Yarosh. He sustained his injuries while fighting for our country in Iraq. On Tuesday two SUNY IT graduates gave him a simple but amazing gift. I know we usually try to keep things fun and light here on the blog. However, after meeting Sgt. Yarosh and learning about his amazing journey I wanted to share it with all of you. The first video focuses on the sergeant himself while the second takes a closer look at the two students who made his dream a reality. Enjoy and just remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice so we can do the things we all enjoy.

The link (sorry I can’t figure out how to imbed the story in the blog:

http://www.cnyhomepage.com/story/d/story/golf-club-presentation-to-sgt-rick-yarosh/31558/SA9EX16CBUKOaGGbrqtM4Q

Can I Be Frank, Frank McCabe

Shaving Grace Period

It’s that time of year again. That spooky, scary, eery time of year. That time people try to look like someone else. Nope, I don’t mean Halloween; it’s No Shave November.

Per their website, http://www.no-shave.org…

The goal of No-Shave November is to grow awareness by embracing our hair, which many cancer patients lose, and letting it grow wild and free. Donate the money you usually spend on shaving and grooming for a month to educate about cancer prevention, save lives, and aid those fighting the battle.

With the precursor of “it’s for a good cause” the next month I, and many other self-proclaimed men, will attempt to prove they have testosterone to all the world.

What I realized is so few people can pull off the growth. Facial hair grows like a vile weed – patchy, multi-colored, multi-lengths. It quite weird.

My scruff looks like the color of rainbow – brown, red, gray, black. You name it. My face is the United Nations of shitty beards.

Now, If you are a real man (and slightly whacko) you rock the full on mustache for the month. This takes guts. I would contend that only like 8 men in the whole world can pull off a mustache without appearing creepy or simply batshit crazy. My fellow CIBF blogger @therealdantobin attempted and failed in 2013. I would say if his goal was to lure small children in to his Prius, then mission accomplished my good man.

I rolled with the ‘stache for a few short days toward the end of last November and received looks bordering on accusatory. I was randomly shouting at gawking strangers “It’s for cancer, OK, dude!”

(NOTE TO SELF: having a pedophile-like mustache and yelping about cancer in public does not validate anything about your character. You’re making it worse.)

So, be a man. Don’t shave for the next 30 days. If you want to be an official participant in the cause, go to the No Shave website, search for “Beard Science” and join our team!

You might just look this cool in the end….

Can I Be Frank, Dan Tobin

Who’s excited for the CanIBeFrankandCrew holiday party?

Last year’s was off the chain. Our HR department just up and quit.

Dan Tobin

Creatures of the Lowell Line: Superheroes

What is this guy’s superpower you ask? Invisibility? Clearly not. X-Ray vision? Unlikely. The ability to break up “six….ahhhh, actually seven” fights at Saturday’s Fleetwood Mac concert? You guessed it. (It was 3 fights, two stops ago, but you know how it goes with Superhero’s… you get super exaggeration too.) Hey, we all know how it goes with those Fleetwood Mac fans. They’re all just normal geriatrics, complaining about the weather and speed limits being too high, until they hear the base lick in the middle of “The Chain” and they lose their minds. Its like some sort of tribal call to arms. One would have to imagine it was a scary scene… “The ush’ahs were piss’n demselves. Thank God I wuz the’yah.” (Translation: “Just went on instinct, No weapons needed. It’s what I do.”)

And here he is two days later warming the purple seats on the commuter rail with the rest of us mortals, with hardly a scratch on him. And unlike most superhero’s, who are all usually guarded and introverted when they’re not saving the world, he was extremely forthcoming. (To anyone who accidentally made eye contact.) For instance, we learned that he just acquired a pet Red Tail Boa, that he temporarily named “Destroyer.” (Temporarily? Like he’s going to come up with something better than Destroyer?) And haven’t you all wondered what superheroes order at Dunkin?!? Well, you’re in luck. This superhero runs on a “Great One” Hot Chocolate with a Turbo shot…which demonstrates a palette and stomach lining that is operating on a super human level. Clearly this man has no weakness. (Save for the onset of Type 2 diabetes or the eventual wrath of Destroyer the snake.)

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Austin “Champ” Fontanella is a TV star

So very proud of our own local “Champ”, Austin Fontanella. Still at the tender age of 24 and he is the nightly sports anchor for a major NY station. Pretty awesome and while I wish him the very best, I wish more just to be him. As the 2nd most famous Austin (Powers) once said, “Men want to be me and girls want to be WITH me.”

Actually, forget that, I am filled with jealousy and rage. Smug little bastard. Who does he think he….ah hell, can’t go through with even the fake insult. Great stuff buddy! All of us here at CIBF, WCAP, the city of Lowell and beyond….all proud of Ya.

Don’t screw up being drunk on air or chasing interns around the news desk a la Bob Lobel.