Category: Dan Tobin

Dan Tobin

You didn’t invite your fat buddy to your cheesesteak party? Green Light Fat Rampage.

Fatkid

Lehigh Valley Live

A teenager upset that his friends didn’t invite him over to eat cheesesteaks in Hellertown allegedly dragged one of his buddies down a flight of stairs and kicked the victim in the face, according to court records.

Police say William Joseph Hitchcock-Sahr Jr., 18, of the first block of Kiernan Avenue, called Brandon Ridgick on Monday and found out Ridgick and two others were hanging out in the 100 block of Northampton Street eating cheesesteaks. 

Hitchcock-Sahr showed up and started arguing because he wasn’t invited and Ridgick hadn’t bought him a sandwich, according to court documents.

Wow…with friends like these, who needs enemies.   Call it experience, call it street smarts, call it 3 years of charm school, but  one thing I know is when you invite a kid into your inner circle with the physical build of a bean bag chair, you better make sure he’s on the VIP list if you’re planning weird cheesesteak parties.   It’s a social protocol that you just can’t overlook, as the fallout is most certainly fat rampage.  If you’re talking birthday parties at the water park, shirts and skins pick-up games, hot air balloon rides, or games like paintball where it helps to be able to hide behind stuff…then by all means, keep chubs out of the loop.  Feelings still may be hurt, but most behavioral scientist agree that “The relief of Fat  Anxiety is > fat rage.”

Dan Tobin

#Sharkweek Scoreboard: Humans 1, Sharks 0

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Slate.com

Reports of sharks biting the undersea cables that zip our data around the world date to at least 1987. That’s when the New York Times reported that “sharks have shown an inexplicable taste for the new fiber-optic cables that are being strung along the ocean floor linking the United States, Europe, and Japan.”
Now it seems Google is biting back. According to Network World’s Brandon Butler, a Google product manager explained at a recent event that the company has taken to wrapping its trans-Pacific underwater cables in Kevlar to guard against shark bites.

Google confirmed to me that its newest generation of undersea cables comes wrapped in special protective yarn and steel wire armor—and that the goal is to protect against cable cuts, including possible shark attacks.

Shark expert Mitchell Chevalier recently took to the internet to take me to task on my lack of Shark knowledge (see comments)…and what do you know, the Sharks start eating the actual internet. I stand corrected, Mitchell. Please accept my apologies.

Anyway, It’s been a big week for Kevlar. From keeping over zealous swat guys safe in Missouri to preventing tons of youporn from spilling out onto our oceans floors. That’s a win for humans in my book.

Dan Tobin, Sports

Jeanie Buss, doing more for Native American equality in 140 characters than Pocahontas did in a lifetime.

Jeanie Buss

Whoah! Can we all step back and admire the stand that Jeanie Buss is taking here. Not drafting any Redskins to your fantasy team? Wow! There’s not enough reverence and respect available to shower someone who does something so selfless. Sure, she has enough cabbage in her checking account to scratch together a pay check for Kobe, but what the tribes on the reservations really need is someone with a bottomless pit of courage to refuse to let the likes of RGIII, a dude with the pocket presence of rodeo clown, occupy her #1 QB spot. F’n bold. It’s hard to find someone out there that would willfully pass on the opportunity to have Pierre Garcon occupying your only IR spot for all of two weeks. Never mind forgoing the excitement of having the great Roy Helu Jr. staying loose on the sidelines for when Alfred Morris dies in week 4 from trying to tippy toe through stacked boxes on 3rd downs.

I think Jeanie Buss is making it clear to us all that there are more important issues out there that are bigger than fantasy football success. All I can say is that this message has not been lost on me. I hereby resolve to not draft any Redskins on my fantasy team as well, and together, Jeanie and I will sleep better knowing that life on the reservation is better today than it was yesterday.

Dan Tobin, Sports

#SharkWeek is officially underway…

sharkweek

NOLA.com 

A shark bit a Lakeview boy swimming with his family in Lake Pontchartrain Friday afternoon. The attack happened off of Southshore Harbor.

Shelly Trentacosta said her family had borrowed a friend’s sailboat and ventured out into the lake. With conditions calm and the water clear, it was a much better day for swimming than sailing, so the boaters decided to anchor up and take a dip.

Everyone was enjoying the cool lake water and having a good time, including Trentacosta’s 7-year-old son, Trent.

“The kids were bunched up together playing, and Trent just started screaming,” Trentacosta said. “We started swimming to him, and I didn’t know what was going on. I grabbed his leg, and there was a lot of blood.”

 Oh, your kid went swimming and got eaten? Yeah, no shit. It’s Shark Week, bub. Nobody that finds their limbs useful should be anywhere water. Oceans, Swimming pools, slip’n slides, the Shedd Park Splash Pad… ¡Es Prohibido Nadar! Get out of the water dummy!  It’s Lollapalooza for sharks every August, and without fail, there will be at least a dozen stories from dumb founded people that learned the hard way that it’s not a good idea to chum the water with Little Leaguers during Shark Week. Continue reading “#SharkWeek is officially underway…” →