Tobes

Jeanie Buss, doing more for Native American equality in 140 characters than Pocahontas did in a lifetime.

Whoah! Can we all step back and admire the stand that Jeanie Buss is taking here. Not drafting any Redskins to your fantasy team? Wow! There’s not enough reverence and respect available to shower someone who does something so selfless. Sure, she has enough cabbage in her checking account to scratch together a pay check for Kobe, but what the tribes on the reservations really need is someone with a bottomless pit of courage to refuse to let the likes of RGIII, a dude with the pocket presence of rodeo clown, occupy her #1 QB spot. F’n bold. It’s hard to find someone out there that would willfully pass on the opportunity to have Pierre Garcon occupying your only IR spot for all of two weeks. Never mind forgoing the excitement of having the great Roy Helu Jr. staying loose on the sidelines for when Alfred Morris dies in week 4 from trying to tippy toe through stacked boxes on 3rd downs.

I think Jeanie Buss is making it clear to us all that there are more important issues out there that are bigger than fantasy football success. All I can say is that this message has not been lost on me. I hereby resolve to not draft any Redskins on my fantasy team as well, and together, Jeanie and I will sleep better knowing that life on the reservation is better today than it was yesterday.

Dan Tobin, Sports

#SharkWeek is officially underway…

NOLA.com

A shark bit a Lakeview boy swimming with his family in Lake Pontchartrain Friday afternoon. The attack happened off of Southshore Harbor.

Shelly Trentacosta said her family had borrowed a friend’s sailboat and ventured out into the lake. With conditions calm and the water clear, it was a much better day for swimming than sailing, so the boaters decided to anchor up and take a dip.

Everyone was enjoying the cool lake water and having a good time, including Trentacosta’s 7-year-old son, Trent.

“The kids were bunched up together playing, and Trent just started screaming,” Trentacosta said. “We started swimming to him, and I didn’t know what was going on. I grabbed his leg, and there was a lot of blood.”

Oh, your kid went swimming and got eaten? Yeah, no shit. It’s Shark Week, bub. Nobody that finds their limbs useful should be anywhere water. Oceans, Swimming pools, slip’n slides, the Shedd Park Splash Pad… ¡Es Prohibido Nadar! Get out of the water dummy! It’s Lollapalooza for sharks every August, and without fail, there will be at least a dozen stories from dumb founded people that learned the hard way that it’s not a good idea to chum the water with Little Leaguers during Shark Week. Continue reading “#SharkWeek is officially underway…” →

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And the big winners are… Pedophiles and Lawyers!

That’s me on my most recent visit to the Boston Children’s museum sporting my “I could possibly be a Sexual Predator” badge, which is required for any dude that shows up without a kid. (What? Why should you need kids to enjoy the children’s museum?)

After work on Friday, I rolled over to Fort Point Channel to meet up with the fam and was greeted by a wall of suspicion at the front door. After turning over my driver’s license, social security card, urine sample, and no less than 5 character references, I was allowed to proceed…as long as I complied with their request to wear that snazzy badge. And why the badge you ask, since they already have enough personal data to empty my checking account? Because a group of Lawyers felt the best way to absolve the Children’s Museum in the event that a kid gets snatched is to have regular guys like myself walk around the place wearing badges, getting eyeball lasers from mom’s worrying that I’m going to drop a digit on their kid. Brilliant stuff. And I get it, we’re living in a different world, and these are things you have to deal with. Well, fine. Then would it be too much to ask for a smile, and a “thank you for not raping a kid today” when retrieving my ten forms of identification?