Out of Bounds?….Not for Tiger

 

Report: Tiger Woods linked to Jason Dufner’s ex-wife Amanda

Tiger Woods has been linked to Amanda Boyd, ex-wife of PGA Tour golfer Jason Dufner, in a report by the National Enquirer.

Boyd, whose divorce with Dufner was filed in March, reportedly cheated on Dufner with Woods.

Woods’ agent Mark Steinberg told Golfweek at the Greenbrier Classic in White Sulphur Springs, W.Va., where Woods will begin play beginning Thursday, that the report is “a complete fabrication.”

“I couldn’t deny this more vehemently,” Steinberg said. “There is less than zero strand of truth to it. 100 percent false. 100 percent fabricated and zero credence. Absolutely, unequivocally untrue. They are not even acquaintances. It’s absolutely ridiculous.”

Woods, who recently broke up with champion skier Lindsey Vonn, also has been connected with cheating in recent reports.

Woods, 39, will play this week at the Greenbrier Classic. He owns 79 PGA Tour victories, 14 of which are major championships, but has not won since 2013.

Dufner, 38, a three-time winner on Tour, last won at the 2013 PGA Championship.

Woods and wife Elin Nordegren divorced in 2010 after a series of Woods’ extramarital affairs came to light, initially because of a November 2009 expose in the Enquirer.

– Adam Schupak contributed

I read this story and my initial reaction was that Tiger couldn’t be a bigger scumbag. Stealing his buddy’s wife and wrecking his marriage to one of the hottest women on tour?  So as I sat shaking my fist in the air cursing that toilet toothed 10 handicap dickhead, I came to realize “Why wouldn’t Tiger try to sleep with her?”. I mean think about it; he is divorced, money coming out the ass, board with golf, and this southern chick wants to show Tiger just how much she hates her Dad, Husband and the confederate flag all at the same time.

I know exactly how it happened too. Tiger was on probably on his way to Walgreens for sun tan lotion after running out just doing Lyndsay Vonns left leg and he bumped into Amanda. She was there picking up a birthday present for Jason. Most likely a pocket fisherman and a coozie that says “My handicap is a small penis“. They strike up a conversation about how their black Amex never swipes correctly or why he sounds like a black comedian doing a white guy impression when he talks to the media. Then while walking out Amanda accidentally mentions how much she loves the romantic setting of a Waffle House parking lot. Bam, just like that she is changing ball types, shafts, playing out of the rough and hoping for a hole in one (enough golf puns yet?).

After having Tiger Woods, she is leaving you faster then Donald Trump leaving a ‘Maid and Landscaper convention’. It really is a sad situation but life happens fast when your rich and have no responsibilities. So now Jason Dufner is divorced and its all Tigers fault. Lyndsay Vonn left Tiger and went back to her snow cave to tend to Luke Skywalker. Poor Amanda goes on walking crooked for a week but sleeps soundly on pillows of Jason’s money. Tiger is a dick for doing that to his friend but he couldn’t help himself. He has been getting everything he wants in life since he was 5 years old. Its like asking a T-Rex not to hunt, a dog not to lick his balls, or for Khloe Khardasian to stop attacking Japan.

Yes, Jason I am sure your heart broken, but look at the bright side of what has happened. You lost a ton of weight.  You’re playing golf again without being nagged constantly and you don’t have to watch Dance Moms anymore.

Here are a few more things that should cheer you up:

– You don’t have to go to all those Rap concerts she dragged you to

– You can hang with Dustin Johnson again without getting yelled at

–  Football in 11 Sundays

– She probably got herpes from Tiger

– No more trips to Bed Bath and Beyond

– Plenty of young nannies named Inga on Tour to corrupt

– Go make fun of Lee Westwood for his tooth gap

– Rambo: First Blood Part 2 is on tonight on AMC

– Get rid of that shit little foo foo dog that I am sure she had you get

– You’re a PRO GOLFER – SO STOP BEING A PUSSY

It’s over pal.  Just bring Tiger a half case of Heineken and half a bottle of Hennessy and make up. You guys can’t let an incredible piece of ass come between friends. Its not like its a $5 dollar Nassau.

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About Pistoffirishman

I'm a married father of two boys, I also have a long term civil union with alcohol and anger. Some people say one causes the other but I don't give a shit. In between work, marriage and binges I try to get a rise out of people. Why? You ask. Because I'm bored, Nightcourt isn't on nick at night anymore, and my wife hid my god damn whiskey. So what of it!!! Follow on twitter at @pistoffirishman

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