Unlawful Entry: Physical 4.0

Annual physical tomorrow and, realizing I have hit that 40 year milestone in life, I am terrified that I may just have a date with ‘Dr. Jellyfinger’ for the very first time.

I can already hear those weak, smug, totally-not-consoling words of advice from ‘Doc McStuffins’ during my exam.

“Breathe easy?”
“Just relax?”
“It’s all your fault this is happening”
“Don’t tell anyone because no will believe you anyway…you slut”                                                

Spare me, ‘Ben Dover’. It’s bad enough your office is behind a dumpster in downtown Lowell and now you are about to make me feel like I am the lone resident of Sanduskyville.

Do not utter the words ‘LOOK, NO HANDS’! during any part of the ‘invasion’.  You got that, ‘Feelgood, MD.’?

Until tomorrow, ‘Rear Admiral’, you keep those mitts of yours clean, safe and gentle.   (and, if at all possible, maybe you could shrink them down to, say, Carny size?  Thanks!)

“Rectum? Nearly killed him!”

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This entry was posted in Can I Be Frank, Frank McCabe, Uncategorized and tagged on by .

About Frank McCabe

Frank McCabe is an avid relaxer and Chinese food (i.e. Mai Tai) connoisseur. When he is not tending to his 'real' job, his wife and three children, Frank escapes reality by writing and inventing anything "funny" that pops in his head. With a Bachelors degree in Silliness, Frank subscribes to the theory that life is short...and, well, that kinda sucks, doesn't it? In his downtime Frank enjoys skinny skiing and going to bullfights on acid. @fhmccabe

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