Election Night Bartending = Somebody shoot me

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There are many nights that a bartender knows that he is going to be hassled with bullshit stories no matter what he does. Valentines Day you get “how come I can’t meet someone”, Thanksgiving eve you have to pretend you give a shit about how the kid in High school that sold you mushrooms is all sober now and St. Patricks’ day it’s usually just family fighting about who’s round it is. But then there is Election Day when every one is either Jon Stewart or that dink with the bow tie. So I had to work this past election night and got two wonderful point of views. One point of view was that Charlie Baker-Scott Brown are our salvation and that Obama is the head of ISIS. Then I got out of work and had a few with the common folk who are all Mickey Wards cousins, on disability from roofing, and are allergic to toothbrushes. All had great opinions on the races-political, human, and horse. Now I usually check my politics and religion at the door when having a few chardonnays but these wonderful people had some quotes that take care of both Democrat and Republican issues.

“I don’t know how Charlie Baker isn’t up by 85%”

“I swear the only reason that Asian guy got in was because he had them coming down the Merrimack in Dragon Boats”

“All the women and minorities are now getting elected because of the fat cats on Wall St.”

“I bet diamonds to donuts that she plays for the other team and so does her husband”

“So we can start using poker machines in here now right”

“The only reason Beast held a sign for Freddie was because he got a free 12 of Bud”

“She isn’t conceding the race because she’s a cut up not toasted”

“Where the hell is Palin city and is there free Saki”

“I can bitch all I want about politics because I didn’t vote”

“In ten years the American flag will be nothing but rainbows”

“Weed has always been legal, ya just gotta know a guy”

“So this is our countries best, spewing garbage all over the tv, put on the horse racing channel, I wanna bet the 1030 at Pimlico”

“That’s it, I moving to Chelmsford”

Yup that’s America right there folks and on that note… I need a drink

S

A

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About Pistoffirishman

I'm a married father of two boys, I also have a long term civil union with alcohol and anger. Some people say one causes the other but I don't give a shit. In between work, marriage and binges I try to get a rise out of people. Why? You ask. Because I'm bored, Nightcourt isn't on nick at night anymore, and my wife hid my god damn whiskey. So what of it!!! Follow on twitter at @pistoffirishman

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