For the last few years I’ve been facing a dilemma come this time of year. I’m 30. Single. No kids. I’ve realized I’m in a gray area when it comes to Halloween. So long are the days where I traipsed around campus half in the bag (okay, all the way in the bag) wearing next to nothing going from one house party to the next, and just the same I’m not yet ready to join my married boring friends (no offense guys?) taking their children out then having a get together back at the house. So where does this leave me? Do I sit at home with my only other single girlfriend and watch scary movies avoiding the doorbell and incessant knocking of the trick or treaters? (They were pretty ruthless last year, I thought I was going to get egged when I didn’t answer the door). So this year, my single friend and I decided we were going to be social and lively- maybe even festive!- and we’re going to the local bar where there’s going to be a DJ, costumes, etc. This still is going to leave me home hiding behind my wine glass during the witching hour of 6-8 when the kids are running amuck, but at least I’ll be getting out after the fact and celebrating Halloween being on a Saturday night and I can get my drink on without the judgy looks at the office in the morning. (Yes we get it, you smell whisky every time I walk by your desk, no need to flog a dead horse.)
With this decision to go out on Halloween came the daunting task of trying to figure out a costume. Whats something that’s totally different from my day to day wear? Maybe something fun with a wig! I thought about this for days, and decided on the one thing that truly suited me. Anyone who knows me is just going to roll their eyes, but hello!? I’m the crazy cat lady, I’m going to roll with that and just go full out hair rollers, bathrobe, knee high socks, and stuffed cat animals in all my pockets. Pretty much like the lady from the Simpsons who’s constantly hurling cats at people. My friend decided she’ll be my pet cat. Hah. Cute. We’re all in on the joke, great. So off to iParty we go in search of little accessories for our costumes. We walk in and look around, and I’m gazing at the wall of costumes just mesmerized. Sexy cop. Sexy witch. Sexy cat. Sexy Freddy Krueger? Sexy Robin Hood? Are we taking this sexy thing a bit far here? I then came to the realization that at my age, any Halloween costume I’m supposed to be wearing has to have fishnet tights, stilettos, and a sexy twist to it. I should be going as Cat Woman- leather body suit, sky high ponytail, stilettos- not her crazy mu-mu wearing cat lady cousin. I end up just leaving without purchasing anything, and second guessing my original costume choice.
The more I’m looking around on Facebook, BuzzFeed, etc, I’m seeing more and more skank outfits. Sexy Gandalf? Sexy Harry Potter? I instantly have throwbacks to 7th grade where I showed up to the school dance in a stupid dress and everyone else was dressed all cool and casual in their Fila jackets and Timberlands. I can’t show up to a bar wearing a bathrobe and curlers when every other female there is going to be skanked out, can I??
I can. And I will. I’m taking a stand for the females. I honestly have no problem with looking sexy. And usually I would jump at the chance to wear fake eyelashes and high heels; however- I need to keep into consideration I’m going to a dumpy local bar, where I most certainly hope my future husband will not be. Why do I care if I have curlers in my hair? I will go as a goofy looking cat lady only exposing very little skin (it’s damn cold this time of year!) and my friend is going to stick by me and wear a cat costume. She’s even going to paint her face because we are REBELS, Dottie (Pee-Wee Herman reference) and we’re not going to freeze our behinds for the sake of looking sexy for 4 hours until we get sick of what we’re wearing and just go home.
To be honest, hair rollers and a bathrobe certainly won’t keep this girl from having a random make-out sesh on the way to the bathroom. I may be 30, but I can run circles around these youngin’s who can barely walk in their high heels. Who do you think is going to kill it at karaoke- Some Sexy Nurse singing Girl Crush, or the crazy cat lady belting out Come on Eileen dancing like Elaine Bennis? Let’s see these gals try and play a game of cornhole while dressed as a sexy army girl. Try taking a shot of Fireball without ruining your fire-engine red lipstick. Hah! Been there, done that, wrote a blog about it. Bye Felicia!
Can I Be Frank & Crew? 