So after this abortion of a winter all you really want to do is play a little golf, cook on the grill and watch the sox have a good season. Well, you can cancel that third option. I kept telling myself “you know its still early” “these guys can’t be that bad” “Once the cocaine and HGH shows up they will be fine” and yet nothing. I don’t know why we even thought they would be any good in the first place. We always preach -Defense and pitching wins championships. So what does the scarecrow of an owner do? Tells his people to buy the fat asian 3rd baseman, and anyone at Canobie Lake Park that hits 82mph on the fast pitch game.
The manager is terrible, the GM has Luccinos hand up his ass like a sock puppet, and ownership is trying to sell this team to us as hard as a Duggar kid going through puberty at a family reunion. Come clean you bunch of jack wagons and admit that its over. Its that time where we as a fan base have to have a intervention and tell the owners. Guys….Papi is all done, Hanley needs a new set of needles, Panda put the sandwich down..and the other one (as skittles fall out of his pocket), Pitching staff you all need to take a lap around Blue Hill Ave at midnight. So what should we do now that we have come to this epiphany that the season is over on June 5th.
– Drink some alcoholic root beer and play re-leav-eo like your 9yr olds (no guarding ghouls dick)
– Go up to Happy Hampton Beach and count teeth
– Play MFK with Caitlynn Jenner, Lois Einhorn, or a male Flourist
-Try to grill without a beer in your hand (impossible)
-Hit up Johnny Sabaego and do some jet skiing
-Go see the Entourage Movie and then walk in front of a bus
-Supe up the honda pilot with a nice spoiler and show it off at car wash on Friday nights
-Return all the Heineken bottles after the Asian water festival and by a house in the Hamptons
-Actually buy a ticket to an actual gun show
-Go to Browns for breakfast, lunch and dinner
-Boxhockey, CanJam, Polish Horseshoes, or Irish Horseshoes (just sit, drink and curse the pope)
So those are my summer plans since baseball is out already. It could always be worse, we could live in Cleveland.